She: I hope you’re in good shape. It’s my birthmonth.
Z: I’ve been training all year for this; watching chick flicks, eating bon-bons and wearing women’s underwear. What are we doing?
She: First, we’re going to go hear Maya Angelou.
Z: I saw her once 20 years ago. Is the caged bird still singing?
She: She better be. I’ve got a little Maya Angelou envy going this week.
Z: So she’s written a little more than you. Big deal.
She: She’s written poems for President Bill Clinton’s inauguration and the United Nations, and she just got the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Z: But she’s 20 years older than you are. You still have time. Write a poem. You could catch up.
She: Was that comment my birthday present?
Z: Is that enough?
She: It’s a start. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge Maya Angelou any of her international honors, but Santa Barbara Mayor Helene Schneider has declared that Friday, Sept. 9, will be “Maya Angelou Day” in the city.
Z: So?
She: The day after my birthday, which by all rights should be “Leslie Dinaberg Day,” she goes ahead and declares it “Maya Angelou Day.” Seriously? Clearly Mayor Schneider needs some education on the whole Dinaberg birthmonth celebration tradition.
Z: I’ve got a bad feeling you’re going to ask me to plan a parade for next weekend.
She: It doesn’t have to be big parade. Maybe something like the Rose Parade, only with chocolate and wine.
Z: What else have we got going on?
She: We’re going to go see The Help, spend a day at the Gem Faire, and then eat tiny little overpriced plates of food — with no sarcasm or complaints from you.
Z: I can feel myself starting to lactate.
She: I’m not that girly, and frankly you’ve been falling behind on your chick-flick watching.
Z: Which is my gift to you. Do you really need me in the theater making snarky remarks every time a boy from Iowa cute-meets a girl from New York by accidentally running over her dog? I don’t think so.
She: You used to like those movies.
Z: We used to be dating. Now we’re married.
She: It’s my birthmonth.
Z: Is there anything we can do instead? Can I pick what’s behind curtain No. 2?
She: Buy me an iPad.
Z: I hear The Help is an awesome movie. I’ll be warming up the car.
She: Why won’t you buy me an iPad?
Z: Because it’s really just a big iPhone or a small MacBook, both of which you already have.
She: And my eyes are bad, so that’s perfect. I need an iPad.
Z: Are you Goldilocks? Is the iPhone too small, the MacBook too big and the iPad just right?
She: Yes, I’m Goldilocks. Buy me an iPad.
Z: It’s $700 for a medium-sized version of two things that you already have.
She: A small price to pay for my happiness.
Z: A medium price.
She: You could always try to talk Mayor Schneider into declaring it “Leslie Dinaberg Day.”
Z: I’ll get right on it.
She: I would need that parade, too, so my day was more elaborate than Maya Angelou’s. I am a local after all.
Z: Yes, dear.
— Tell She and Z what you think at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns. Follow Leslie Dinaberg on Twitter.
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