Dear Pinky and Dear Spike
Dear Nora and Dear Nick,
You are getting ready for divorce, and I’ve been in the divorce business for 30 years. In fact, you married while I was in law school, and you have been my two best friends since the third grade. I know about divorce, and I know both of you.
I know you both by the names you got in the third grade. I think of you by those names and when I sat down to type this letter, that’s what I wrote. The subject might be serious enough to require use of your real names, so that’s what I’ve done. Instead of deleting your old names, I lined them out. That way they will still be a part of the letter to remind all of us how far we go back and what we mean to each other, divorce or no divorce.
Remember when I put together an irrigation system without knowing there is a difference between pipe-thread and hose-thread? It was a mess and, to this day, I don’t know how I could have understood the depth of my ignorance before I discovered it!
As with many new endeavors, the compass of a person’s ignorance at the outset of divorce is vast. I wish there were a way I could explain what you need to know in a way that would make sense to you.
You both want to “talk” to me, but you don’t listen. This isn’t unusual. No one likes existing beliefs questioned; sometimes we are literally unable to hear a reasoned and articulate challenge.
Clients engage me to help them accomplish a particular goal. I am hired because of my training and experience in a very narrow set of life circumstances. I can see problems and opportunities invisible to anyone without the same background. Sometimes I can see a serious problem, invisible to the client, which can be avoided by taking specific action. The client may have a strong intuition, based on his life experience, to do the opposite. Occasionally, I am unable to communicate the existence of a problem beyond the client’s comprehension, and he or she will act in a way that “feels” right but will be self-defeating. This has been the most frustrating aspect of my family law practice.
It’s been two months since you started down this path, and I have been trying to tell you that there is a difference between hose-thread and pipe-thread. You don’t or you can’t hear me. Instead, you accept what you would like to believe, regardless of the source, taking your desire to believe it as proof of its accuracy. Then you argue with me!
I don’t blame you. I’m too close and too invested in your case to be able to give trustworthy advice. I don’t want either of you to get hurt or to suffer unnecessarily by doing or not doing something I know will be harmful to you. If I can’t help my best friends get past the avoidable pitfalls, what have I learned during the 30 years I’ve been doing this work? That’s my ego talking, and it doesn’t belong in anyone’s case.
During the coming months I’m sure we will meet, talk by phone, and exchange many e-mails. I will inform and advise; you will ignore or disregard. So, I’ve decided to take an opportunity to publish a series of letters addressed to you. (I will alter the facts to disguise your identities, but I’ll do it in a way that will let you see that I’m really talking to you and about your case.) Writing for publication will require me to be very careful, knowing that what I say may affect other people. If it does affect others, I will try to make it a positive effect, and, perhaps, in this altered form, I may be able to get through to you.
The first question from each of you was a good one, and I have a good answer — an answer that’s at the center of an evidence-based family law practice. You asked: How long does it take to get divorced?
You insist that a California divorce “takes six months.” You’re wrong, and your expectation that it will go so quickly will be a source of both frustration and pain.
(The confusion originates in Family Code Section 2339. It says the court has no power to grant a divorce unless it has had jurisdiction over the parties for at least six months. It doesn’t give the court authority; it limits its power to dissolve a marriage.)
The correct answer is: The average Interval between the date of separation and the Entry of Judgment in southern Santa Barbara County is 28.85 to 29.9 months.
Santa Barbara County Superior Court has two divisions in which a divorce can be filed. North County divorces are handled by the Cook Division in Santa Maria. South Coast divorces are handled by the Anacapa Division in Santa Barbara. The data cites in these letters is specific to cases filed in the Anacapa Division; this is what I mean by the phrase “Santa Barbara Divorce.”
More is known about “Santa Barbara Divorce” than any other jurisdiction in the United States. This is because of two recent studies: 1) the “Census” took the first 358 divorces filed in 1997 and followed them through 2003, and 2) the “Replication Study” took a random sample from the first 358 divorces filed in 2001 and followed them through 2007.
The average Interval between the date of separation and Entry of Judgment in the Census was 29.9 months and the average Interval in the Replication Study was 28.85 months — a difference of only 45 days.
Because the Anacapa Division’s family law calendar has been current for nearly 20 years, and because the average Intervals from the two studies are so close, the findings are representative of what happens in all Santa Barbara divorces, regardless the year they were initiated.
In future letters I will explain what the studies say about your case and why divorces need 18 to 36 months to reach a natural conclusion.
Your best friend,
Bucky (who happens to be a) divorce lawyer
— Brian H. Burke is a certified family law specialist practicing family law and mediation in Santa Barbara. A researcher and educator in the field of divorce and family conflicts, he is also the creator of the Legal Road Map™. Click here for more information, e-mail .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or call 805.965.2888.
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