Thursday, May 26 , 2016, 9:38 am | A Few Clouds 62º

Randi Rabin: Woman Confused About Her Sexuality; Cell Phone Ruins First Date

By Randi Rabin, Noozhawk Columnist |

Dear Feelings Doctor: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for six years. I also have the best times with my girlfriends; we laugh and have fun, joke around and it's awesome.

I am finding out inside myself that I like being touched and hugged by my women friends much more than with my boyfriend. I am so bewildered, and I feel that I am changing into someone else completely.

— Kim in Santa Barbara

Dear Kim: Women are naturally emotionally close. Girlfriends tend to be fun, safe and exciting all at the same time. We get to share topics with them that our male friends/lovers may not understand or have the time to discuss with us. That’s what brings women closer in certain situations.

Sexuality doesn’t have to fit into a nice, neat little box. If you are at a happy place in your life, expressing who you are, that sounds pretty great!

Dear Feelings Doctor: I know things have changed a lot with the dating scene, but I was on my first date in three years and the guy I was with had his cell phone with him and was on it the entire night! It felt so awful. Is this how dating is these days?

— Lost in Los Olivos

Dear Lost: The only thing that needs to get lost is this guy you had the date with! Unless he was an emergency room doctor and on call, there is no excuse for his rude behavior.

Send him the video "Look Up." And my dear girl, the only thing that you need to say now is ... Next!

Got a question for The Feelings Doctor? Click here to submit a question anonymously.

                                                                        •        •

Imagine This ...

How do I know what I think until I see what I say? — E.M. Forester

— Psychotherapist Randi Rabin, M.A., MFTI, answers reader questions in her weekly Noozhawk column, The Feelings Doctor, and can be contacted at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). She received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Antioch University Santa Barbara and completed her master’s degree in psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute under the guidance of renowned psychologist Stephen Aizenstat, Pacifica’s chancellor and founding president. She has worked as a counselor with a number of local nonprofit organizations and schools. Click here for previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

Reader Comments

Noozhawk's intent is not to limit the discussion of our stories but to elevate it. Comments should be relevant and must be free of profanity and abusive language and attacks.

By posting on Noozhawk, you:

» Agree to be respectful. Noozhawk encourages intelligent and impassioned discussion and debate, but now has a zero-tolerance policy for those who cannot express their opinions in a civil manner.

» Agree not to use Noozhawk’s forums for personal attacks. This includes any sort of personal attack — including, but not limited to, the people in our stories, the journalists who create these stories, fellow readers who comment on our stories, or anyone else in our community.

» Agree not to post on Noozhawk any comments that can be construed as libelous, defamatory, obscene, profane, vulgar, harmful, threatening, tortious, harassing, abusive, hateful, sexist, racially or ethnically objectionable, or that are invasive of another’s privacy.

» Agree not to post in a manner than emulates, purports or pretends to be someone else. Under no circumstances are readers posting to Noozhawk to knowingly use the name or identity of another person, whether that is another reader on this site, a public figure, celebrity, elected official or fictitious character. This also means readers will not knowingly give out any personal information of other members of these forums.

» Agree not to solicit others. You agree you will not use Noozhawk’s forums to solicit and/or advertise for personal blogs and websites, without Noozhawk’s express written approval.

Noozhawk’s management and editors, in our sole discretion, retain the right to remove individual posts or to revoke the access privileges of anyone who we believe has violated any of these terms or any other term of this agreement; however, we are under no obligation to do so.

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.


Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.