She Said, Z Said: Keepin’ It Real as Members of the Culture Club, Even in Fake Denmark
From a Taste of Solvang to a statue with no limitations at the Getty, we just ooze refinement
Z: We are so cultured.
She: Regular jet-setters.
Z: Only without the jet. Fake Denmark, fake Japan and real European art — all in the space of a week.
She: It was a smorgasbord of culture. Don’t forget the Irish pub on St. Patrick’s Day.
Z: Four countries in one week. Now you can’t say I never take you anywhere.
She: You take me places. Fake Denmark was actually pretty awesome.
Z: Free food, free wine, free beer from the Taste of Solvang, not to mention the free, friendly people.
She: I loved that couple from Texas who had won a trip to Solvang, and the guy used it to propose.
Z: Very resourceful.
She: And I’m always amazed at how friendly you are when we get out of town. Even as close by as Solvang, you immediately transform into friendly Zak. It’s a little disconcerting.
Z: I’m always friendly. No matter where I go.
She: It took you two years to find out the last name of the woman with the desk right next to yours.
Z: That’s because I’m so focused on work when I’m at work. No time for socializing. I’m all about work. Besides, what’s our neighbor’s name?
She: This isn’t about me. This is about how cultured we are.
Z: Cultured like pearls.
She: Right. Fake Japan was fun. I always like karaoke, although I only had one cocktail this time and my voice sounds much better when I’ve had more to drink.
Z: You are a drunken song bird.
She: Although I’m still not convinced that karaoke exactly counts as going to Japan.
Z: Cultured like the club.
She: And I’m almost positive that going to an Irish pub in fake Denmark isn’t the same thing as going to Ireland.
Z: I don’t know. There was that drunk lady who fell off of her bar stool. That felt very authentic to me.
She: Really? Slamming the Irish jokes?
Z: It’s OK. I’m an eighth Irish. You can do that with your own peeps.
She: We did have kind of a cultural week. I can feel good about that. But you realize that the only cultural experience we actually shared with our son was the art.
Z: I think that’s the only thing that was legal. I would have taken him to the pub, but his fake ID says he’s 11. Who gets a fake ID that makes them younger?
She: The longer he can avoid puberty the better. He was surprisingly engaged by the art at the Getty.
Z: I think he liked the building more than the art.
She: That’s always my favorite part, too.
Z: But his best response was when he looked at a phallic sculpture and yelled, “Eww!”
She: And then said, “That guy looks very happy.”
Z: Perfect comedic timing. Makes a father proud. Then I asked to see his ID, and told him he was too young to keep looking at the statue.
She: I sat at the sculpture for a while and listened to some giggles from a group of college girls, chortles from an elderly couple, and even more giggles from a Japanese tour group.
Z: Did you try to sing with the tour group?
She: Nah, all I’d had was coffee. I had a great idea for a YouTube video: “Overheard at the phallic sculpture.”
Z: Wow. All this culture has made you artistic.
She: (Sings, surprisingly on key) It’s Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon. ...
Z: Yes, dear.