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She Said, Z Said: Keepin’ It Real as Members of the Culture Club, Even in Fake Denmark

By | Published on 03/25/2012

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From a Taste of Solvang to a statue with no limitations at the Getty, we just ooze refinement

Z: We are so cultured.

She: Regular jet-setters.

Z: Only without the jet. Fake Denmark, fake Japan and real European art — all in the space of a week.

She: It was a smorgasbord of culture. Don’t forget the Irish pub on St. Patrick’s Day.

Z: Four countries in one week. Now you can’t say I never take you anywhere.

She: You take me places. Fake Denmark was actually pretty awesome.

Z: Free food, free wine, free beer from the Taste of Solvang, not to mention the free, friendly people.

She: I loved that couple from Texas who had won a trip to Solvang, and the guy used it to propose.

Z: Very resourceful.

She: And I’m always amazed at how friendly you are when we get out of town. Even as close by as Solvang, you immediately transform into friendly Zak. It’s a little disconcerting.

Z: I’m always friendly. No matter where I go.

She: It took you two years to find out the last name of the woman with the desk right next to yours.

Z: That’s because I’m so focused on work when I’m at work. No time for socializing. I’m all about work. Besides, what’s our neighbor’s name?

She: This isn’t about me. This is about how cultured we are.

Z: Cultured like pearls.

She: Right. Fake Japan was fun. I always like karaoke, although I only had one cocktail this time and my voice sounds much better when I’ve had more to drink.

Z: You are a drunken song bird.

She: Although I’m still not convinced that karaoke exactly counts as going to Japan.

Z: Cultured like the club.

She: And I’m almost positive that going to an Irish pub in fake Denmark isn’t the same thing as going to Ireland.

Z: I don’t know. There was that drunk lady who fell off of her bar stool. That felt very authentic to me.

She: Really? Slamming the Irish jokes?

Z: It’s OK. I’m an eighth Irish. You can do that with your own peeps.

She: We did have kind of a cultural week. I can feel good about that. But you realize that the only cultural experience we actually shared with our son was the art.

Z: I think that’s the only thing that was legal. I would have taken him to the pub, but his fake ID says he’s 11. Who gets a fake ID that makes them younger?

She: The longer he can avoid puberty the better. He was surprisingly engaged by the art at the Getty.

Z: I think he liked the building more than the art.

She: That’s always my favorite part, too.

Z: But his best response was when he looked at a phallic sculpture and yelled, “Eww!”

She: And then said, “That guy looks very happy.”

Z: Perfect comedic timing. Makes a father proud. Then I asked to see his ID, and told him he was too young to keep looking at the statue.

She: I sat at the sculpture for a while and listened to some giggles from a group of college girls, chortles from an elderly couple, and even more giggles from a Japanese tour group.

Z: Did you try to sing with the tour group?

She: Nah, all I’d had was coffee. I had a great idea for a YouTube video: “Overheard at the phallic sculpture.”

Z: Wow. All this culture has made you artistic.

She: (Sings, surprisingly on key) It’s Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon. ...

Z: Yes, dear.

— Share your culture club adventures with She and Z by emailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). And follow them on Twitter: @lesliedinaberg. Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns.

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