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Columnists »She Said, Z Said: Manly Manly Man

She Said, Z Said: Manly Manly Man

By Leslie Dinaberg and Zak Klobucher, Noozhawk Columnists | Published on 06/21/2010

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It takes a real man to man up and remain safe and pleasantly dry

Z: I am not the manliest of manly men.

She: OK.

Z: You seem surprised. Shocked, even.

She: Yeah.

Z: And yet, I’m probably the manliest I’ve ever been.

She: This is it? This is peak manliness?

Z: It was Father’s Day this weekend. Not many things more manly than being a father. It’s kind of definitional.

She: The Leather Guy in the Village People has a kid. You’re going to have to raise the manliness bar higher than that.

Z: I have many manly traits. I drink beer. I fart. I shave at least once a week. My jokes are kind of mean.

She: Wow. You’re John Wayne.

Z: I own a power tool. I put oil in my own car. I have a deep, manly voice. I go to the Man Weekend. What could be manlier than a whole weekend named the Man Weekend?

She: Didn’t you chicken out of river rafting this year?

Z: A totally manly decision, if by manly I mean safe and pleasantly dry.

She: If that’s your definition, then you are truly manly.

Z: The guys who did go rafting got dumped into the river 15 minutes into the trip, wrapped the boat around a log, spent two hours trying to free it, and then hiked five miles out in their wetsuits and booties. I did my happy dance on the shore.

She: Very manly.

Z: And pleasantly dry. The rest of the weekend was super manly. We ate pit meat, drank beer and built a deck.

She: Besides the beer, was any of this manliness your idea?

Z: No. But I manned up for it.

She: Does the fact that you don’t watch sports, you love Broadway musicals and you watch Glee religiously subtract from your manliness at all?

Z: I defer to my original thesis, which is that I’m not the manliest of manly men. I’m OK with that.

She: Which is kind of manly.

Z: Besides, I now have a son who is oddly manly. Boyly?

She: That’s not a word, nor should it be.

Z: Pre-manly. He watches sports, and enjoys them. If no major sports are on, he’ll even be happy to find a lacrosse game or a rerun of a college soccer game.

She: I think he gets that from my dad, ‘cause it’s certainly not from either one of us.

Z: So I get some manly points for having a pre-manly son.

She: I don’t think the transference works in that direction.

Z: But really, I’m at peak manliness right now solely in comparison to how I used to be.

She: Thinking about it, you do seem much less flamboyant than when we first met.

Z: And I was already on the manly climb up the slope to manliness at that point.

She: Is there something you’ve been meaning to tell me?

Z: Nah. I’ve never found men attractive. I would have made a great gay man except for that one roadblock.

She: You do have that tall, Tommy Tune thing going for you.

Z: Do you want to know how absurdly manly I am now? When I was in college, I performed in a drag show that traveled to Bermuda for spring break. Everyone got sunburned, so I danced around in my Playboy Bunny outfit spraying everyone with Solarcaine and singing, “I’m the Solarcaine fairy!”

She: Sorry I missed that.

Z: My legs look amazing in fishnets.

She: Yes, dear.

— Share your own manly tales with She and Z by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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» ChezPaul wrote on 06/21/10 @ 12:34 PM

Hey Zak,

Can you break out the playboy bunny fairy dance at the next Man Weekend?  We haven’t had that kind of fun since Chuck was mounted by Jay’s over-eager dog and ridiculed by the other manly men present.

I can see a whole new level of manliness ensuing!

Hugs,

-P

» Tucker M wrote on 06/21/10 @ 09:28 AM

Wow - I remember the Solarcaine fairy incident, and it’s true: your legs DO look good in fishnets.

Damn you, Z!