She Said, Z Said: A Chong by Any Other Name Is a House of Cards
Staking a claim to the right naming opportunity is a cottage industry for some; others, not so much
She: One of my favorite things about Carmel was seeing how many people have named their houses or cottages. I especially liked “Wit’s End.” What a great name for a house.
Z: But do you really want people visiting you at your Wit’s End?
She: It would be better that than one of the 700 dog-themed names we saw, from “Corgi Court” to “Labrador Lodge” to the not unpleasant sounding “House of Woof.” Do you think people walk in and go “Woof, there is it?”
Z: I liked the “Huise Bij De Zee.” I imagine it is inhabited entirely by happy Swedish muppets.
She: As opposed to the annoyed people who live in “Thisisit” and the cottage next door, “Thisisnt.”
Z: Well, they have to have some way to differentiate their houses. It turns out that many of the buildings in Carmel don’t have numbers, only names, and their mail all goes to P.O. boxes.
She: If the names are official then I wonder if you can rename your house? It would be terrible if we fell in love with a house and wanted to buy it, but had to keep calling it “Kitty Korner.” That might be a deal-breaker for me.
Z: I’m pretty sure you can change its name — although I’m basing this solely on the house named “Now the Casa Theresa.”
She: Does she live next door to “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince?”
Z: There are no houses named with a glyph. Although, there is house named “H.”
She: But renaming your house seems kind of weird, too. If everyone gets to know a certain house as “The Enchanting Garden,” it would be confusing if we came in and renamed it “The Love Shack.”
Z: Which is exactly what we would do.
She: So much. But we should save that house name for when we actually buy something. Until then it’s “Ye Olde Rental Duplex” for us. I’ll get a sign.
Z: Fair enough, but I do think as the new owners of something you should be able to rename it.
She: People rename boats these days, so why not houses?
Z: So, logically, if your sister and her husband get hit by a bus, and we end up with their two girls, I think we should rename them.
She: That’s not the same thing.
Z: I was thinking we could call them Zakette and Zakina.
Z: Cheech and Chong? I’m sure they’d be fine with that.
She: Sure. What girl doesn’t want to introduce herself as Chong on her first day of high school? It’s a terrible joke, about 30 years too late. Why wouldn’t she love it?
Z: If they whine about the name change, we can just tell them about Metta World Peace. I mean, there’s no way he changed his own name to that. It must have been new parents.
She: Uh, sure. Do you think that’s what happened when Ferdinand Lewis Alcindor Jr. became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
She: If we changed our nieces’ names then they might have a good argument that our own kid should change his name as well.
She: Uno, Dos, Tres? Tic, Tac, Toe?
Z: How about Rufus, Dufus and Goofus?
She: That would be confusing, because you’ll always be Goofus to me.
Z: Yes, dear.