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Columnists »She Said, Z Said: Cougar Cubs Already on the Prowl

She Said, Z Said: Cougar Cubs Already on the Prowl

By Leslie Dinaberg and Zak Klobucher, Noozhawk Columnists | Published on 07/11/2010

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When teenage girls start digging younger guys ... you know the animals are running the zoo

Z: I am way ahead of my time.

She: That’s exactly what I think every time you put on your Speedo.

Z: I’m not talking about how fashion-forward I am, but how dating-forward I am.

She: You’re dating? You should stop that. We’re married.

Z: How dating-forward I was. When we first started dating. Because you’re two years older than I am.

She: One-and-a-half-years.

Z: Two grades. You’ll always be two grades older than me, even when I’m 130, and you’re 132.

She: 131 and a half.

Z: But still two grades older. In any case, I was the very first person to date a cougar.

She: I think King Henry VIII may have beat you to that one. And, I was 24 when we met. Not exactly a cougar.

Z: But still kind of unusual.

She: I’ll give you that. Especially since I dated a lot of older guys when I was younger.

Z: I still don’t know why your parents let you date 30-year-old stock brokers when you were 7.

She: It wasn’t that bad, but I definitely went out with older guys. All my friends did.

Z: I know. It drove me crazy in high school, because all the girls my sophomore year were dating the seniors. Then, when I got to be a senior, all the sophomore girls were dating juniors. Somehow, no one ever dated the guys in my grade.

She: I can’t imagine why not.

Z: But it seems like all that has changed now. More and more, it seems like girls are willing to date not only guys in their own grade, but even guys who are younger than them.

She: I know. Cougar cubs are all the rage.

Z: Demi Moore. It’s all Demi Moore’s fault.

She: My friends with 15-year-old boys are always complaining about the 18-year-old girls coming to pick them up.

Z: Lucky sacks.

She: When I was 18 the last person I wanted to be seen with was a 15-year-old boy.

Z: Guys have it so much better now. What was so great about older boys back in the day?

She: Back in the olden days, when you were only a year and a half younger than me, like you still are today, the older boys had cars and money to take you places. Boys your own age drove Schwinns and made you sneak into the movies.

Z: It was a Nishiki, movies were expensive, and you were two grades older than me and very intimidating. Now it seems like every kid in high school has a nicer car than I do.

She: Everyone in America has a nicer car than you do. But I know what you mean. The last concert I went to was filled with teenagers eating expensive food, at an expensive concert and wearing really expensive jeans.

Z: So kids today don’t have to earn their own money like we did, which makes it a more level playing field for the younger guys. Genius.

She: It also seems like girls mature before boys earlier than ever, like fourth or fifth grade. So maybe by the time they get to high school things have evened out a little more.

Z: That, and 30-year-old men aren’t all that mature anymore. Do you want to date an immature 30 year old, or a similarly immature, nonthreatening 16 year old?

She: That’s a very mature understanding of your own immaturity.

Z: Like how I was mature when you were 29 and you met me.

She: I was 24!

Z: The women in your family have a long history of digging younger men — and lying about their age.

She: What are you talking about?

Z: Your old age is making you absent-minded. Your grandma’s funeral.

She: Oh, yeah. I’ll never forget the gasps from my dad and my aunt when the rabbi said her date of birth and they realized she was actually two years older than my grandpa and not the two years younger she had always claimed to be.

Z: Come to think of it, I’ve never actually seen your birth certificate.

She: Yes, dear.

— Tell She and Z what you think about these cougar cubs by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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