She Said, Z Said: School Auctions No Bid of Roses
Are parents really sold on some of these auction actions?
She: I can’t believe I escaped from our school auction without buying anything.
Z: You obviously didn’t drink enough.
She: Unfortunately, I did. But that was after they took everything away and started tallying.
Z: Bad for them, but good for us. To this day, I still don’t understand why you paid $200 for that handprint tray in 2004.
She: It was so cute. I love those little handprints.
Z: Adorable. They’re like people or something, only with tiny hands. And, oh, yeah, our kid’s pawprint wasn’t even on it!
She: So I get a little too into the thrill of the bidding competition sometimes.
Z: Just a little. But then, that’s how public schools pay for everything these days.
She: A bunch of adults get together, drink martinis, play fake gambling, bid on dinners, fancy baskets and weekends at other parents’ vacation condos, and voila! Instant art teacher and science specialist.
She: Who cares about the kids or the future of the nation, when we’ve got predatory lenders to take care of?
Z: “It will be a great day when schools get $700 billion, and they have to hold a bake sale to bail out Wall Street.” Isn’t that the quote?
She: Something like it.
Z: The sad thing is that bake sales don’t even cut it for schools anymore.
She: Now it’s all auctions and party books and events.
Z: Which, I’ll grant you, is a lot more fun than buying cookies.
She: I like cookies.
Z: I like the martinis. At the same time, there’s always something that feels a little bit too upper crust at these events. Sure, it’s Santa Barbara, and there are a lot of people with money, and this is a good, clean, fun way to get some of that money into the schools — but did we really have to make the poor people from our school dress up like butlers? That seemed excessive.
She: We didn’t do that. And education is getting tough to pay for everywhere. Did you read about that girl who auctioned off her virginity on the Howard Stern Show to pay for grad school?
Z: She was old enough for grad school but still a virgin? Sure. Was she also auctioning off some super-hot, subprime mortgages?
She: The worst part is she had a degree in women’s studies.
Z: So does Howard Stern. Ba-dum-bum.
She: I couldn’t help but thinking about that auction when I was setting up for ours.
Z: Eww! No virgins for sale at our elementary school auction. Please.
She: Eww! Not that. It made me think what lengths people will go to just to pay for their education, or their kids’ education.
Z: And yet, they all whine and complain about taxes or bonds that go to pay for their kids’ education.
She: Or to pay for other kids’ education, so that the next time they go to Starbucks, the struggling student behind the counter will know how to give them correct change.
Z: Instead, we have to auction off parking spaces to the highest bidder.
She: Don’t make fun, I wanted that parking space.
Z: Even though it didn’t come with a butler?
She: Yes, dear.
Send your bidding tips to She and Z at .
» wrote on 09/30/08 @ 06:51 PM
Hey,
I bought that Disney Gift Basket at another auction this week. I guess the chocolate is probably stale by now. But at least it’s for a good cause.
» wrote on 09/30/08 @ 12:56 PM
Wonder woman, of course. I don’t know you but most women with kids in school are Wonder women.
» wrote on 09/30/08 @ 04:06 AM
Sarah, you could always go as The Punisher, dual purpose in case the kids get out of line.
» wrote on 09/29/08 @ 06:15 PM
Ours is coming up. Theme? Superheroes. Last year’s theme? Pirates. Only themes that allow the female attendees, if they choose, to wear something tight and revealing. Pirates always have wenches and superheroes always wear spandex and show lots of cleavage. I’m trying to think of some counter-culture superhero I can go as, sans spandex. Suggestions?
» wrote on 09/29/08 @ 05:54 PM
School auctions are kind of magic. I swear the same Disney gift basket went from our preschool to elementary school to little league without being opened. Luckily there was nothing edible.