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She Said, Z Said: The TV Reality Is There’s No Escape
Z: I was unreasonably happy to see that the Olympics crushed American Idol in the ratings last week — the first time American Idol’s ever lost to anything.
She: Not a big reality TV fan, are we?
Z: I tried it once. Then I jabbed a pencil in my eye to see if I could erase the images from my retina.
She: I know. The only time I’ve even remotely enjoyed watching The Bachelor was with a big group of friends and a pitcher full of cosmos.
Z: I think that would be the perfect reality TV show — a bunch of people getting drunk and watching reality TV shows.
She: Even with a group of friends I still felt a little dirty afterward. But a lot of our friends like reality TV — even some of our friends who we used to have some respect for.
Z: It kills me.
She: And let’s face it, we’re not exactly like our friends C & P with the “Kill Your TV” bumper sticker on our minivan. Oh, my God, I actually sound rational about this. The truth is my heart starts thumping too quickly and I feel my brain’s gray matter transform into a gelatinous oozy substance every time I accidentally flip the channel past one of those shows.
Z: She who worships at the altar of Gossip Girl and Grey’s Anatomy should not cast the first stone. Or rose. Or torch. Or whatever they cast on those shows.
She: I know. I’d lose all of my intellectual street cred if my DVR list ever became public — if I actually had any. But I can guarantee you there are no reality shows on there.
Z: You talk big, but you do have a weakness for Food Network fare that’s not exactly winning writing awards.
She: Does Iron Chef count? Having to make a five-course meal in one hour using a secret ingredient seems much closer to reality than competing for money by surviving living with a bunch of lunatics on an island or competing for a husband by surviving living with a bunch of lunatics in a McMansion in the valley.
Z: Time magazine actually came out with an article praising reality TV this week as some sort of distinctly American artifact. They made it sound like a good thing. That’s when I jabbed Time magazine into my eye, to see if I could erase the image from my retina.
She: And the L.A. Times had a front-page article and a Calendar section article about the Kardashian sisters — on the same day!
Z: It curls my pit hair me that I even know who they are.
She: Do you think it’s us? Why haven’t we gotten on the boat with this thing? Are we really that snobby and elitist?
Z: I think that as writers, we take it personally. Reality TV takes up TV real estate, which means fewer scripted programs, which means less work for writers.
She: Uh ... you wrote one crappy TV movie about a dog. I don’t think you’ve exactly been put out of work by Jersey Shore.
Z: No, but it’s the idea that I could have been. And, it’s a solidarity thing. Go writers! And, really, I just like scripted fare a lot more.
She: The funny thing is that I think a lot of reality shows actually have writers on them. They just call them something else so the writers can’t join the union, but the reality is, so-called reality shows have writers.
Z: Loser writers. I mean, how many different ways can you write, “Rip her top off!”
She: Judging by the number of reality shows on the air, about a million.
Z: Huh. Do you think they’d hire a guy who has written one crappy TV movie about a dog?
She: Yes, dear.
— Tell She and Z what you think by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).
Comments
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» on 02.22.10 @ 09:01 AM
Z,
I enjoyed watching Beverly Hills Chichuahua. Was that your script?
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» on 02.22.10 @ 09:34 AM
The Cats & Dogs movie was good too. Much better than Jersey Shore.
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» on 02.22.10 @ 09:46 AM
Of course the Olympics beat out American Idol. How could anything be more exciting that curling!
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» on 02.22.10 @ 12:20 PM
The Olympics are the ultimate reality show ... duh!
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» on 02.22.10 @ 02:35 PM
Our “Kill Your TV” bumper sticker has long been replaced by our “Marriage For All” bumper sticker. Stay current, would ya?
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» on 02.23.10 @ 05:06 AM
I can’t believe I’m moving back to the States and I’ll have nothing to watch but crap tv involving some narcissist trying to do something I couldn’t possibly care less about.
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» on 02.23.10 @ 01:19 PM
Amen London! You said a mouthful!
Oh, and kudos to Elspeth for keeping it real!
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» on 02.23.10 @ 02:41 PM
Obviously there is a place in our hearts for scripted TV but comparing the once every two years drama of the Olympics to the reality garbage is ridiculous. And American Idol is probably the best of a remarkably lousy bunch!
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» on 02.25.10 @ 10:33 AM
No doubt, reality TV bites. I wish you would stop giving it publicity by writing about it.
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» on 02.25.10 @ 05:47 PM
I’m so with you guys. I hate reality TV and am frankly quite pleased whenever one of those shows fails. Unfortunately I heard American Idol beat the Olympics last night, so I guess we’re 1 and 1 for the season.
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