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She Said, Z Said: Hubba-Hubba-Doh!
Z: I had no idea that one day I would graduate from the childhood yodel of “Yabba-Dabba-Doo!” to the adult cry of “Hubba-Hubba-Doh!”
She: I wish I could say I had no idea what you were talking about.
Z: There’s no two ways about it; Marge Simpson is hot.
She: You’re a sick, sick man.
Z: Redundant.
She: Why would anyone want to see Marge Simpson naked in Playboy?
Z: The answer to that is neatly summarized in the word “naked.”
She: Lisa Simpson must be shocked. Here she is one of the most groundbreaking feminist characters on network television — “a one-girl revolution against cartoonland patriarchy,” according to Ms. Magazine — and her own mom poses for Playboy.
Z: If I was built like Marge, I’d want to share that with the world, too. Homer is one lucky dude.
She: Talk about high maintenance. That bouffant up-do would take at least an hour every morning, and tons of toxic hairspray. Then there are the strapless dresses and wearing pearls all the time ... it all just seems a little showy.
Z: But she’s hot.
She: She’s a cartoon character.
Z: And an impressively stacked one at that. Who knew?
She: I don’t think Playboy would have picked her if she weren’t. That’s kind of their criteria for models: “must have boobs, the more the better.”
Z: That’s ridiculous. They picked her for her brains and her taste. You can even see it on her Model Data Sheet. Turnoffs: “Slim men who work out regularly and take care of their bodies and whose oiled muscles gleam in the sun when they take off their shirt.” Turn-on: “Having enough saucers for your cups.” This is a woman of substance.
She: Some would say that Playboy makes all women into cartoon characters.
Z: I wouldn’t know about that. I only read it for the articles.
She: Doesn’t everybody?
Z: I bet that first phone call to her was very awkward. How do you ask a middle-aged, yellow skinned woman to pose naked for Playboy?
She: You offer her lots of money and hope she’ll be flattered.
Z: I wonder what would have happened if Robert Redford had run into her instead of Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal?
She: The all time worst Disney movie.
Z: Especially with the whole 3-D fad that’s going on right now.
She: So, if we were playing that game of “Five Free Celebs” that you would be allowed to fool around with, would you pick Marge Simpson?
Z: No. Honestly, I doubt she’d even make my top five cartoon freebies. I’m much more of a Jessica Rabbit, or even a Betty Rubble type.
She: Betty, not Wilma?
Z: Betty is clearly more adventurous.
She: And I know you prefer Veronica to the other Betty.
Z: I guess I just like the exotic girls.
She: Have you actually seen the Playboy pictures of Marge Simpson?
Z: They’re surprisingly tasteful nudes. The photographer was clearly very considerate of her.
She: Why do you say that?
Z: Much is left to the imagination. Lots of carefully draped silk and doughnuts. Which, unfortunately, leaves a burning question unanswered.
She: Which is?
Z: Is she really a natural bluehead?
She: Ugh. I suppose I should thank you for not using the words “drapes” and “carpet.”
Z: Yes, dear.
— When She and Z aren’t debating the most important cultural issues of the day, they can be reached at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).
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» on 10.26.09 @ 10:07 AM
We love Marge at our house, no matter what she wears!
» on 10.26.09 @ 12:52 PM
This column is worthless fluff. It’s a waste of server space. If it weren’t on the internet I would use it for the bottom of my birdcage.
» on 10.26.09 @ 02:39 PM
If you don’t like it then don’t read it. Personally I look forward to reading She and Z every Monday and always get a chuckle. Humor, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder but for me this is one of my favorite things to read every week.
» on 10.27.09 @ 09:54 AM
Best issue of Playboy ever!
» on 10.27.09 @ 10:24 AM
Always funny. You guys make my morning whenever I get a chance to read. WE love Marge Simpson at our house too.
» on 10.27.09 @ 02:07 PM
I may be simple but you make me laugh! Thanks, guys.
» on 10.27.09 @ 09:28 PM
I’m not a Playboy reader but I went out and bought this one. Hubba dubba.
» on 10.28.09 @ 10:57 AM
I for one am laughing. Thanks, guys.
» on 10.28.09 @ 11:11 AM
Oh Marge. As a Feminist this upsets me so. What would your daughters think?
» on 10.29.09 @ 11:07 AM
Too funny. I always love your columns.
» on 10.29.09 @ 11:26 AM
I had no idea that Playboy was still publishing ...
» on 10.29.09 @ 11:33 AM
I’m a Simpson’s Fan but I have to admit, I’m surprised that marge would do this. perhaps she’s having a bit of midlife crisis.
» on 10.30.09 @ 11:29 AM
Yabba Dabba Doo. That Marge is hot!
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