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She Said, Z Said: Winter Solstice
Z: Santa Barbara has a party for everything. Wine parties, chalk parties, fundraising parties, Christmas parties, parade parties, sports parties, and Halloween parties at the No. 1 party school. We have so many parties, that we even have a week in August named party.
She: Fiesta. Forever. All night long ...
Z: And before that, we have a blowout celebration for Summer Solstice.
She: Because one, whole, straight week of parties isn’t enough.
Z: I agree. Which is why I find it surprising that we don’t have something equally bacchanalian for Winter Solstice.
She: The first day of winter. In ancient Greece they had “The Festival of the Wild Women.” A man was torn to shreds and eaten by a gang of women.
Z: Probably not great for tourism. Unless we could get Tiger Woods, and all the women were cocktail waitresses. Hotel room nights would triple.
She: In ancient Rome all sexual prohibitions were lifted for the Winter Solstice. Men dressed as women. And the Romans performed erotic dances with a large phallus that was carried during the dancing processions.
Z: Been there, done that, pretty much every Summer Solstice. Santa Barbara’s Winter Solstice needs its own, unique celebration.
She: It’s not exactly like we can have some great snow festival. It’s more like we’re celebrating the changing of the season from warm and pleasant to slightly less warm and pleasant.
Z: “The Slightly Less Warm and Pleasant”–fest doesn’t have the party mood I’m looking for.
She: It’s not just the first day of winter; it’s also the shortest day of the year.
Z: Hmm. How about a midget festival?
She: Not exactly PC.
Z: We could all wear shorts.
She: In Santa Barbara, we call that Saturday. If you’re our kid, you call that every day.
Z: We could all wear pants?
She: That would just annoy every middle-aged contractor in town.
Z: How about a short film festival?
She: Perfect. And to honor our endless, 12-hour winter nights, we could watch abbreviated versions of Night Shift, Night at the Museum, Night Moves, Night and Day, The Nightmare Before Christmas and A Night at the Roxbury.
Z: Nah. It’s got to be something more festive. How about a Shawty Festival, in honor of Sophia’s dog?
She: That has possibilities, especially with Big Dog going bankrupt. We could have a short dog parade on Winter Solstice.
Z: Do you mean short dogs, or a short parade?
She: Both. I vote for a short dog parade for Winter Solstice, and all of the dogs need to wear ugly Christmas sweaters.
Z: Way to work the winter holiday thing in there.
She: Their owners, too. The uglier the better.
Z: There also has to be a bonfire, fairies and a yule log.
She: A yule log?
Z: It’s a pagan solstice tradition.
She: What do you know from yule logs?
Z: Absolutely nothing, but it’s the funniest solstice word I can think of. Yule log. How is that not funny?
She: I think we’re starting to get something here. Short dogs in ugly sweaters marching around a bonfire of yule logs.
Z: And Winter Solstice is traditionally the time when wine and beer have completed the fermentation process.
She: How perfect is that?
Z: Drunk people and short dogs in ugly sweaters marching around a yule log bonfire.
She: I think we may have the beginnings of yet another beautiful Santa Barbara tradition.
Z: Unless Tiger Woods is suddenly available.
She: I hear he’s looking for a new place to live.
Z: Yes, dear.
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» on 12.21.09 @ 03:17 PM
yo - what’s with all the short jokes ?!?!? LOL
» on 12.23.09 @ 12:30 PM
I love this idea. Santa Barbara needs a reason to celebrate in December.
» on 12.27.09 @ 10:13 AM
I would love to see a Winter Solstice Festival here, you’re right, we need it! We could have a contest for the “Best” Holiday Themed Sweater. All those ugly sweaters and vests floating around out there would suddenly become desirable!
» on 12.27.09 @ 02:54 PM
Can we celebrate it late, California style? Who has time for one more event in December?
Or… maybe we could have a virtual winter solstice celebration??
Or… perhaps you could calendar it early, film it, and then air it on Dec. 21?
» on 12.27.09 @ 03:44 PM
Maybe we could combine this with a holiday gift swap too. Everyone brings all the gifts they didn’t want and trades them for something they do.
» on 12.27.09 @ 10:26 PM
I’m in for the ugly sweater contest. I would love to be able to put the three I got for Christmas to good use.
» on 12.27.09 @ 10:27 PM
What about doing a reenactment of the Snow Queen? That could be a fun way to celebrate.
» on 12.27.09 @ 10:28 PM
I’ve heard they do a great winter Solstice festival in Seattle. Perhaps a field trip is in order? Maybe that can be one of Helene’s first duties.
» on 12.27.09 @ 10:29 PM
We celebrate Winter Solstice in Baja with a big bonfire. It’s great fun. Pass the Glogg.
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