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Clay Nelson, Life Balance: Pigeonholing Is For the Birds
I think we’ve all experienced being pigeonholed, and with this being my 65th birthday, I guarantee that I have experienced a lot of it.
During the course of living our lives, we unwittingly set the stage for who others believe we are, what they think we believe and what others think we are committed to. When we step out of that neat and tidy space called, for example, “Who Clay is ...,” we set ourselves up for all sorts of criticism. So, if someone believes one way about who you are — the way you are supposed to act, etc. — and you step out of that box and ruffle feathers, who has the problem? You — the person stepping out of the mold — or the person who cast the mold?
I’ve never been one to believe in holding back because of what someone might think. My commitment everywhere is to step out and get people to think, and if I can say something or put questions out into the world that accomplish that, then I’ve done my job. I’ve even done my job on several occasions at the cost of what others might think of me personally, but my commitment is such that what others think of me isn’t what’s important. What is important is that others get what they need to make their lives better and, hopefully, they go on to make a difference for someone else.
Admittedly, pigeonholing can be difficult to avoid. I do it, too. Yet, there are dangers and consequences to pigeonholing people. Think about the child who is labeled unruly, lazy or, simply, “not very bright.” Those pigeonholes can follow them throughout their lives, to the point that the child begins to believe what others think about him or her. In the end, we risk creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, and not only does the child lose out but we do, too.
If we believe that people are always going to be a certain way, say certain things or believe a particular way, and we treat them accordingly, we risk clipping their wings so much that they’ll never reach their fullest potential. We risk creating a stop to the difference they are capable of making simply because we choose to listen to them from a place of “knowing” who they are, rather than listening from a place of inquiry and learning.
Do I believe, for example, that every actor would make a good governor or president? No, but if Ronald Reagan hadn’t had the guts to step out of the mold he was in, we would have missed out on his leadership and the contributions he made to the planet. Do I believe that everyone has it in them to be a great public speaker, writer, commentator, builder, publisher, political advocate, teacher, engineer, lawyer, singer, actor, designer or anything else? No, but I believe everyone should have the chance to be who they want to be and to make a difference where they believe a difference needs to be made, no matter what neat and tidy box we believe they belong in.
If we don’t create the room and listening for new thoughts and ways of being, we miss out on learning something new. My friends, even on my 65th birthday I can tell you that I’m not done learning, growing or teaching. So, how about you? I dare you!
— Santa Barbara resident Clay Nelson founded Clay Nelson Life Balance™ to provide businesses and individuals with what may be missing in their lives: purpose, personal and business planning, fun, effective delegation through team management, and accountability. Click here to download Clay’s complimentary e-book, The Balanced Life — How to Put Fun, Family and Financial Freedom into Your Business and Personal Life. Click here to subscribe to the free podcast of The Clay Nelson Life Balance™ Hour.
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