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She Said, Z Said: USC? Seriously?
Z: Did you hear that USC pulled ahead of UCLA?
She: At what? Most beer chugged? Most spoiled children? I don’t think that one’s new.
Z: No, for ...
She: Was it for most ridiculously expensive? Worst neighborhood? Most corrupt sports program? Again, in what way could they possibly have pulled ahead?
Z: For the first time ever, they were ranked ahead of UCLA in the U.S. News & World Report annual rankings of best colleges.
She: That’s hilarious.
Z: No, really.
She: Is this like the time you told me that you were secretly a prince?
Z: No ...
She: Or are you just confused, like how when Koss saw that little fat roll above your bathing suit, and he said, “Nice mutton-top, Dad,” instead of muffin-top?
Z: Fine. Read it yourself. USC is now ranked 23rd, and UCLA is ranked 25th.
She: ...
Z: Speechless?
She: I think this must be a prank. College kids are doing those kinds of things all the time. It must be a prank.
Z: I’m afraid not.
She: How is this possible? USC was never a real school. It’s where you went if you had too much money and not enough grades. It was a safety school for rich kids.
Z: Things change. Apparently, it’s a good school now. And UCLA isn’t even that much cheaper anymore.
She: I feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone. Next thing you’ll tell me is that Dos Pueblos High School is ranked higher than San Marcos High School. Wouldn’t that be weird?
Z: Last year, Dos Pueblos’ Academic Performance Index (API) was 799 and San Marcos’ was 759.
She: Cow-pie High? When did we move to Bizarro World? When I was growing up, Dos Pueblos was a punch line, way way way out there in Goleta where nobody ever went, and UCLA was only worried about USC in badminton.
Z: Even UCSB, which seems best known for being in the top 10 party schools on a Playboy list, is ranked as the 39th best university in the nation.
She: And yet, I’m OK with that. I never competed with UCSB, and am honestly proud that our local UC keeps getting better and better.
Z: That’s big of you.
She: But USC? I’m assuming some alum with an inheritance bought U.S. News & World Report, and put the fix in. Did they spell UCLA correctly?
Z: Less big of you.
She: Does this now invalidate my entire education? Are my San Marcos and UCLA degrees worthless?
Z: No. You can still use that advanced degree in writing columns that you got.
She: I did find a better study online, one that’s not a prank. In Washington Monthly’s 2010 college guide, they rated schools based on their contribution to the public good. Guess where UCLA was?
Z: 25th?
She: Try No. 3. It’s based on recruiting and graduating low-income students, producing cutting-edge scholarship and Ph.D.s, and encouraging students to give something back to their country. Guess where USC was?
Z: 23rd?
She: Try not even on the list. I told you that U.S. News & World Report thing was bogus. It was totally a prank, unless we moved to Bizarro World.
Z: Yes, dear.
— Share your Bruin pride and Trojan tears with She and Z by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).
Comments
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» on 08.29.10 @ 04:34 PM
Wonderful column. Fight on.
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» on 08.29.10 @ 05:59 PM
Yes indeed….must be a mistake….Go Bruins!
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» on 08.30.10 @ 09:27 AM
UCLA has suffered from a wannabe inferiority complex from its beginnings when the Westwood campus was designed as a cheap copy of that at the real university in town. The school football team can’t even decide on its colors. Nevertheless the alums’ persistent claim has been that it is a better academic institution than USC. Now that we have some objective criteria to disprove this they claim some sort of bias. How about this: In a separate study listing the top 100 US universities grouped into four tiers based on the “most talented freshman class” using SAT scores and academic quality, USC ranked in 3rd tier along with UC Berkeley, University of Virginia and University of Michigan.. UCLA ranked in fourth tier along with University of Maryland and the Coast Guard Academy. PS, UCSB was not ranked at all.
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