She Said, Z Said: High Society
http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/011710_she_said_z_said_high_society/
By Leslie Dinaberg and Zak Klobucher, Noozhawk Columnists
Costco a Santa Barbara hot spot for socializing with friends amid bulk foods and free samples
She: I just heard one of my favorite Santa Barbara statistics in a long time.
Z: That the Santa Barbara Channel is the world’s top source for sea urchin?
She: No, but that takes a close 12th. Apparently it takes Santa Barbarians twice as long to shop as anywhere else.
Z: I thought that was just you.
She: Not even.
Z: But you take twice as long because you go to Vons in the middle of night to meet your boyfriend. That doesn’t seem like an explanation for everyone in town.
She: No, that’s just me trying to be efficient. Two birds, one stone, even if one of the birds is lemon herb basted and roasted.
Z: It makes me nuts thinking of you and your boyfriend in the produce section, making inappropriate fruit and vegetable jokes.
She: You’re jealous of me having a fictional boyfriend because I make bad jokes with him?
Z: What could be worse?
She: Seriously. I have it on good authority that it takes us twice as long to go to our Costco as a normal Costco.
Z: Because we’re hoarding supplies for the next fire evacuation, or because we just buy more in general?
She: Neither; it’s because we socialize more. Our town is the perfect size such that whenever you go to Costco, you run into someone you know.
Z: And when you do, you both have to comment on how it’s impossible to get out of Costco for less than 13 grand, how unbelievably cheap the seven gallons of ketchup are, and how fun it is to make an entire meal out of the samples.
She: I have other conversations with the people I run into, too. Sometimes we talk about Oprah. I always seem to just miss her everywhere in town.
Z: She’s totally avoiding you.
She: Then there’s soccer, or basketball, or what a great deal they have on Alma Rosa Chardonnay.
Z: And about sea urchins?
She: We really do live in a painfully social town.
Z: Says the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Da Mayor.
She: True.
Z: It used to seem like your parents knew everyone, but now I’m starting to think you might be usurping them.
She: I don’t think I can ever compete with 30 years of teaching a million kids at Roosevelt and SBCC.
Z: Yet, every time we go out, I have to ask you, “Who was that?”
She: Even though you’ve already met them a half-dozen times. That’s more a function of your social illiteracy than my Rolodex.
Z: I guess it also depends on what neighborhood we’re in. When we’re midtown, you’re pretty much the queen of Five Points and La Cumbre Plaza.
She: It’s my ‘hood, but I can’t compete with my sister when we’re up on the Mesa.
Z: Downtown has its own business class during the day, and a bunch of people going out at night who we don’t usually know.
She: True. I’m always surprised to see other grownups downtown at night. But at Costco, it’s the whole gamut. Everyone makes the trek out there, even the heartiest Carpinterian.
Z: Of course, they have to gas up the mules and check the tire pressure for that massive 20-minute commute.
She: Don’t forget caffeine. That’s important if you’re going on a road trip all the way out to Goleta.
Z: And, of course, some good sea urchin sandwiches.
She: Yes, dear.
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http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/011710_she_said_z_said_high_society/