Clay Nelson, Life Balance: Disappointment is a Reality of Life
http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/033109_clay_nelson_life_balance/
How we deal with things thrown at us is the important thing
When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always
tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”
— Sydney Harris
There is an awful lot of disappointment in the world today. “Disappointing” job numbers, “disappointing” test scores coming out of our nation’s schools, “disappointing” performance by our public and private leaders, and maybe even disappointment in our selves.
Disappointment is a reality of life. It always has been, and whether we’re talking about a lost job, a child being disappointed because Mom or Dad didn’t make it to the school play, or being disappointed because your team didn’t win the big game, the feelings are all the same. No matter how trivial the reason for the disappointment is, the feelings are real.
As a life and business coach (and as a human being myself), I’ve seen just about every imaginable way there is of dealing with disappointment, but very few of them are productive.
First we have the “pity-partiers.” We all know one. Heck, I’ll admit I’ve thrown a few pity-parties, too, and it even feels good for a minute or two.
However, when we allow ourselves to languish for too long in our own pity, we fall victim to a “life is hard” mentality, and we get so involved in the party that we risk losing out on new opportunities, time with a loved one, or the opportunity to simply learn something new.
Second, we have the “life is hard” thinkers on steroids! This goes far beyond the typical pity party. Here we languish in self-doubt, worry, disappointment, fear and any one of the number of feelings that can come up. It is here that the feeling of despair and a feeling of, “I’m going to feel this way forever” can begin to take over, and even the smallest disappointment becomes the catalyst or reason for stopping cold, burying our heads in the sand, and being right about how hard our life is.
Next we have the “finger-pointers.” They make other people wrong — Getting mad ... grumbling ... complaining (but not to anyone who can make a difference in the circumstance) ... and even giving the perceived offender a “piece of their mind.” This is where molehills get turned into mountains and we get madder (or more disappointed) than the circumstance deserves.
Fourth are the “pretenders.” Pretenders act as though nothing is wrong, as if the disappointment they have hasn’t affected them. The problem with this is that the longer one pretends something didn’t happen, the more likely it is to eat at you and eventually you blow up and the person you are so disappointed in is wondering, “Where did that come from?” For example: Did one of your parents ever miss a ball game or event at school and you were very disappointed, but instead of verbalizing that disappointment to your parent you just pretended that it didn’t bother you? Burying feelings will cause you to react in unexpected ways down the road, sometimes even decades later.
Finally, we have the “unstoppables.” The “unstoppables” put their disappointments behind them and choose to move on in the face of whatever comes their way. You see, who we choose to be in the face of our circumstances is just as important as the circumstance itself, because when we deal with our disappointments from a positive, unstoppable mindset, we can do anything.
So, do want to know how to put disappointment behind you and move on powerfully?
1. Acknowledge your disappointment ...
You can’t deal with your emotions/feelings if you bury them. Remember: when you bury the feelings associated with a disappointment, they are just that ... buried. Eventually, your feelings will find their way to the surface and those molehills will become mountains.
2. Put your disappointment in perspective ...
A good litmus test I’ve found is: If someone isn’t bleeding or dying and there is something I can do to make a difference in a disappointing situation (be it for myself or another) then it really can’t be that bad. It may be a disappointment ... it may be a setback, but it is not the end of the world. So you came in second place instead of first — you could have finished last. Or a friend gossiped something that you told her in confidence ... now you know she isn’t the friend you thought she was.
3. Make a conscience choice to move forward ...
Choose to be unstoppable. Choose to have what you say you want. Choose to make a difference. Choose to be positive in a negative world. Choose to put one foot in front of the other no matter what gets in your way.
To quote the movie character Forrest Gump: My momma always said, “Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
And in many respects that is true, and if we are in touch with our feelings, much of what we are going to get will disappoint us. OK ... but so what? After all, isn’t life about what we do with the stuff that gets thrown at us and not about the “stuff”? Life is a journey, and I’m committed to enjoying the trip. How about you?
— Santa Barbara resident Clay Nelson founded Clay Nelson Life Balance™ to provide businesses and individuals with what may be missing in their lives: purpose, personal and business planning, fun, effective delegation through team management, and accountability. Click here to download Clay’s complimentary e-book, The Balanced Life — How to Put Fun, Family and Financial Freedom into Your Business and Personal Life. Click here to subscribe to the free podcast of The Clay Nelson Life Balance™ Hour.
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