Clay Nelson, Life Balance: Gossip Serves Little Purpose
http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/061609_clay_nelson_life_balance_gossip_serves_little_purpose/
Idle chit-chat is part of our social fabric, but taking it beyond that is damaging and a waste of time
When riding in an elevator there is a game I like to play, and the point is to see if I can get any person who happens to be in that elevator with me to at least crack a smile. It’s a challenge. There is something about elevators that turn fellow human beings into rug inspectors, but on a recent trip to Austin, Texas, the magic buzz words to get people talking were discovered — Jon & Kate Plus 8.
Who would have thought that those few words could create so much conversation and opinions among 10 strangers in a short ride between floors 19 and 4, but that’s what they did. Every person on that elevator except one knew of Jon, Kate and their eight. Everyone had an opinion, and I got far more than the smiles I was going for.
I don’t know Jon, Kate and their eight personally, nor did anyone else on that elevator, but most of us have an opinion about who they are, what they are doing right, what they are doing wrong and what they need to do to “fix” their lives. It got me thinking: What is there about discussing salacious rumors about other people that lights us up?
Google “why we gossip” and links to all sorts of articles and opinions will show up. Some believe that the evolutionary process hard-wired humans to gossip — something that replaces the social bonding created when primates pick bugs off each other. Others believe that gossip is nothing more than a waste of time and ultimately damaging to the human spirit, and others believe that the truth about gossip is somewhere in the middle. Well, one can see where the “truth” about gossip can be found in each of these ways of viewing it.
Gossip, when conducted as idle chit-chat that tells us that person is Uncle Frank’s boss or that girl is friends with Cousin Suzy, is a way of our learning social order. Who belongs where and how they are connected, even if remotely, to us personally. I still see this as a far stretch from grooming my acquaintances by picking bugs off them, but … moving on!
Then there is middle-of-the-road gossip, used as a distraction from our own worlds. It is a place where we share our thoughts, opinions and what we think we know about others whom we don’t happen to really know and who are not in our social or business circles. An example is our interest in the lives of celebrities.
Finally, there is mean-spirited, malicious gossip that ruins reputations, relationships and, sometimes, lives. This includes the spreading of false information and even the telling of truthful but intimate details of a person’s life. Obviously, mean-spirited, malicious gossip is where we the most damage occurs.
How do we keep ourselves from crossing the line? We need to stop gossiping (i.e., stop partaking in any conversation with a person who has no power in the resolve of the issue you are speaking about). Gasp! Get present to the quality of what comes out of our mouths and what we allow into our ears. If you wouldn’t want a particular something said about you or your life, you shouldn’t speak it about another. Also, check how you act in the midst of gossip. A well-timed roll of the eyes or a smirk in response to information you hear can be just as damaging as spoken words.
The fact that there are researchers studying why we gossip tells us that we all do it. When you catch yourself participating in gossip, remember to forgive yourself, clean up any mess you might have created and move on.
Gossip in its most mean-spirited form is really a verbal assault — powerful enough to damage people’s lives and careers. All one has to do is open a link to an online article about a celebrity to see that gossip is also a damaging waste of time and energy — hundreds of thousands of people take time to comment and provide their take on what’s going on in the life of someone they don’t know. If you want to create more productive, free time in your life, give up gossiping.
Yes, gossip can be lots of fun. Hunkering down with friends you haven’t seen in awhile and talking about the juicy stuff is a favorite pastime for many people. As a matter of fact, without gossip, some conversations would be downright dull and boring. After all, what would the beauty salon, golf course, coffee shop, elevators or parties be like without gossip? Yet, once gossip starts, it can spread like fire.
When I was a child, I said something cruel about a friend of mine in front of my grandma. My grandma told me that once one speaks unkind words, they can’t be taken back and the damage is done. She said to imagine breaking a feather pillow apart outside on a windy day. Each feather is an unkind word you have said about someone. Try, just try, she said, to find all the feathers and retrieve each one of them. It’s impossible. So, one has to wonder: How many feathers are flying around that have come from our mouths?
Even though we’ve made gossip on all levels an acceptable part of our social fabric, gossip is a time-waster that ultimately serves little purpose. If you want to have more productive time, give up gossip; give up having any conversation with a person who has no power in the resolve of the issue.
— Santa Barbara resident Clay Nelson founded Clay Nelson Life Balance™ to provide businesses and individuals with what may be missing in their lives: purpose, personal and business planning, fun, effective delegation through team management, and accountability. Click here to download Clay’s complimentary e-book, The Balanced Life — How to Put Fun, Family and Financial Freedom into Your Business and Personal Life. Click here to subscribe to the free podcast of The Clay Nelson Life Balance™ Hour.
http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/061609_clay_nelson_life_balance_gossip_serves_little_purpose/