She Said, Z Said: Is That a Big Target on Your Back?

http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/072009_she_said_z_said/

By Leslie Dinaberg and Zak Klobucher, Noozhawk Columnists

Leslie wonders why town's general opposition to big box stores has seemingly melted away; husband fears for their lives

She: I’m really getting sick of all of these e-mail petitions asking me to help bring Target to Santa Barbara.

Z: I don’t think I got that one — unless it was cleverly disguised as cheap Canadian Viagra.

She: It used to be that everyone in town was opposed to big box stores just on principle.

Z: What principle?

She: You know the one, that big stores are evil. That national chains exploit foreign manufacturers, export their profits out of state and exploit low-wage workers in local communities.

Z: Thank you, comrade.

She: It was a tried and true formula: chain stores = bad; mom & pop = good. It was considered un-American not to hate big box stores, and all was right with the world.

Z: And no mini-malls! And down with mean people!

She: Remember when Goleta ended at the corner of Kmart and Jack In The Box?

Z: Dad would check the air pressure in the tires before we drove that far.

She: Now that the Goodland stopped planting lemon groves and started growing big box stores, and a lot of people not only wish we had a Target here, they’re actively working to try to bring one.

Z: And you don’t want that?

She: Seriously. What does it say about me that I’m in a demographic where being against Target is politically incorrect?

Z: Dear, sweet, mercy. You’re coming out against this publicly? There goes 40 years of good will. People used to love you.

She: What is going on with people who have absolutely no financial stake in bringing Target to town fighting for it anyway? How does that make sense?

Z: I’m not sure if Koss and I are willing to throw ourselves on the grenade for this one. People love a cute kid. I’m going to stand behind him.

She: It’s not that I hate Target. I can appreciate two pairs of flip flops for $5 or a 24-pack of pencils for 50 cents as much as the next gal, but we don’t need any more big box stores in Santa Barbara.

Z: We’ll change our names and move to Summerland. No one will know us out there.

She: And we especially don’t need any more big box stores in Santa Barbara that are really in Goleta, so that Santa Barbara gets all the money and Goleta gets all the traffic.

Z: I wonder if I can get a good job in Summerland? Maybe I can polish antiques at a mom & pop store.

She: It’s not fair to Goleta. We’re next-door neighbors, for goodness sake; we need to get along.

Z: We’ll be like that family in Running on Empty.

She: If Target were to replace Kmart, I’d be OK with that. Or if it went into another existing empty retail space, say in La Cumbre Plaza, that would be fine, too, I guess.

Z: I wonder how I’d look as a redhead? I’ll have to start putting Koss in dresses, and calling him Kossette. Very Les Mis.

She: But the idea that people “need” to go to Ventura or Santa Maria or Camarillo because they “need” to shop at Target is ridiculous. And the idea that otherwise rational people are putting their precious time and energy into petitions to bring Target to town just blows my mind.

Z: Nothing to see here, folks. Ignore the crazy lady.

She: On the other hand, if we did get a Target, maybe I’d finally understand what’s so funny about that Saturday Night Live skit.

Z: Yes, dear.

If you want to contact the lady with the target on her forehead (or her husband), e-mail .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/072009_she_said_z_said/