She Said, Z Said: You Drive Me Crazy

http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/090709_she_said_z_said_you_drive_me_crazy/

By Leslie Dinaberg and Zak Klobucher, Noozhawk Columnists

Could it be that drive-up mailboxes — or the lack thereof — are driving drivers to distraction?

Z: Why is everyone in town driving into walls?

She: Because the walls won’t come to them? I don’t know. What are you talking about?

Z: There’s an epidemic of wall crashers, and I think something ought to be done.

She: Still not following you.

Z: First off, there was that guy who drove his car into the wall at the DMV.

She: That’s not exactly an epidemic. Unless you’re talking about an epidemic of irony.

Z: I even saw one myself. I was getting lunch at Taco Grande in Carpinteria, and a few doors down, someone drove a sedan through the door of Sandcastle Time jewelry store.

She: Are you sure it wasn’t a robbery?

Z: If it was, they forgot to take any jewelry. Or their car. I’m guessing not.

She: This still isn’t sounding like an epidemic to me.

Z: I’m just saying these things happen in threes. I’m just saying I’m not eating lunch by a door or window any time soon, that’s for sure.

She: Cars drive into walls in threes? I don’t think that’s science.

Z: I’d love to be at the DMV the next time the guy who drove his car into their wall tries to retake his driving test. Can you imagine being that examiner?

She: I’m guessing a lot of employees will call in sick that day.

Z: How hard would it be not to say, “OK, turn left here, and don’t hit that building. We’re going to try to parallel park now, but watch out for that barn.”

She: This is why they won’t let you work at the DMV.

Z: You seem awfully unconcerned about this whole driving into walls thing. What’s up with that?

She: It’s because I know exactly what’s going on.

Z: And?

She: They’re all looking for a mailbox.

Z: Huh?

She: Haven’t you noticed? Almost all of the public mailboxes have disappeared. It’s driving me nuts. The one in Five Points, the one in La Cumbre Plaza, the one at the Turnpike Shopping Center ...

Z: Still not following you.

She: All gone. They even took away the one in front of Folio Paper Press Post on Hollister, although, they did leave the one in Hope Ranch intact.

Z: That’s because rich people don’t know how to use e-mail.

She: I know the post office is hurting, and this must be some kind of cost-cutting measure, but I miss my mailboxes. I like snail mail.

Z: I know you do. You and all of your handmade, please-hand-cancel-card-and-I’ll-pay-extra-postage cards are probably the only thing keeping the post office in business.

She: I try to do my part. But seriously, they even took away one of the mailboxes from in front of the Goleta post office. How does that save money? It’s ridiculous.

Z: What does this have to do with the wall crashers?

She: Isn’t it obvious? People are so startled by the lack of a mailbox, that they just keep going up the curb and into a building.

Z: How is this more scientific than the rule of three?

She: Because I said it.

Z: I know what’s really going on here.

She: I’m good at science, and you’re not?

Z: You’re just trying to come up with an excuse for the time you drove into our fence.

She: It was your car, and I wasn’t used to it. I hadn’t driven stick in almost 20 years.

Z: Uh-huh. Come on. Admit it. Say it.

She: OK, fine. The mailbox startled me.

Z: Yes, dear.

Run into any walls lately? Were you looking for a mailbox? Tell She and Z at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

http://www.noozhawk.com/noozhawk/article/090709_she_said_z_said_you_drive_me_crazy/