Paul Burri: An Exclusive Club

Where membership is open to almost everyone

By Paul Burri, Noozhawk Columnist | Published on 12.06.2009

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I was in an auto parts store about two weeks ago. You know, the one owned by three brothers — Manny, Moe and Sidney.

Paul Burri
Paul Burri

While I was there, I noticed a sign that said you could get a 10 percent discount if you belonged to the Manny, Moe and Sidney Club. All you had to do was fill out a simple application and mail it in.

I took an application. When I got home, I noticed that not everyone could become a member. The fine print required that you be one of the following: a federal or state employee, a member of the armed forces, a veteran of World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Gulf War or the Iraq War, a student, a teacher, a member of any number of fraternal organizations such as Elks, Moose, Rotary, etc., a U.S. citizen, a federal income-tax payer, a person who had a brother, sister, father, mother, aunt or uncle who was any of the above, a registered voter, etc.

The list went on and on and was absolutely ludicrous.

The whole thing struck me as being inane because I couldn’t think of any category that would exclude me as a member. It also reminded me of the famous Groucho Marx remark: “I would never join a club that would have me as a member.”

So, with my perverse nature being what it is, I completed the application with my name and address, and then I wrote the following cover letter:

“Dear Manny, Moe and Sidney,

I would very much like to become a member of the Manny, Moe and Sidney Club, but unfortunately, I am not a federal or state employee, a member of the armed forces, a veteran of World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, the Gulf War or Iraq War, a student, a teacher, a member of any number of fraternal organizations such as Elks, Moose, Rotary, etc., a U.S. citizen, a federal income-tax payer, a person who has a brother, sister, father, mother, aunt or uncle who was any of the above, a registered voter (etc., including every one of the 100 or so categories).

What do you suggest?”

By return mail I received a membership card. Ta-dah! I am now a member of a very exclusive club.

— Paul Burri is an entrepreneur, inventor, columnist, engineer and iconoclast. He is not in the advertising business, but he is a small-business counselor with the Santa Barbara chapter of Counselors to America’s Small Business-SCORE. He can be reached at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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