I knew as soon as I found out I was going to have boys that I was destined for a life of boy humor. I have recently found myself immersed in it, and I am … displeased.

Never in my life have I known people who have found such enjoyment in the words “poop,” “fart,” “wiener,” “butt” and “penis.” I hear them constantly. Alone and in combinations. Zachary’s favorite thing to say lately is “wiener-butt.”

I’ve even had to enact a “No bathroom words at the dinner table” rule. They have burping contests to see who can burp the loudest and the longest. Then they follow it up with “Did you hear that?!” a la Buddy the Elf. Followed eventually by an, “Excuse me.” Hopefully.

Dylan has burped so loud in public a few times that I’ve been completely embarrassed. He can’t understand why that’s something he shouldn’t do in public. How do you explain to a 6-year-old boy that not everyone wants to hear him burp? Because it’s simply incomprehensible to him.

The real kicker came the other night, though. Dylan looked at Zach and said, “Zach, next time I fart, put your face on my butt.” And Zach said he would. And then later, he did.

A piece of me died that night. And this is only the beginning.

— Meghan Gesswein is a stay-at-home wife and mom to three young boys. A New York transplant, she has lived in Santa Barbara for the last 14 years. She writes on her personal site, MeghanGWine, and is also documenting her family’s home remodel on From Demo to Dream. She is a staff writer and special events editor for the online magazine Curvy Girl Guide and is a proud supporter and vice president of Friends of Maddie, a nonprofit dedicated to assisting families with babies in the NICU. She is often sarcastic and her work should be read with a sense of humor. And a cocktail. You can follow her on Twitter: @MeghanGWine, friend her on Facebook or reach her at meghangwine@gmail.com.