Z: Whoa, that was a rager! I’m so hurtin’! I never should have manned the beer bong. I’m so hung over! Isla Vista was totally the place to be last night. I think I may have set at least 15 couches on fire. Rock on!
She: You were in bed at 8:30.
Z: OK, but I could have been out there. It’s possible. I still rock.
She: Here’s the thing I don’t understand about UCSB and the massive Halloween party: why aren’t they charging $50 a day for the kids to park?
Z: No way! That would totally kill the spirit of the thing.
She: Instead of fining the kids $300 if they find extra people in their dorm rooms, they should be encouraging the studious kids to go home for the weekend and then rent out their dorms for $1,000 a night.
Z: You want to corporatize I.V. Halloween? Since when are you The Man?
She: Higher education is super pricey today, so it seems to me like it’s a win-win.
Z: Encouraging kids to party?
She: The party happens no matter what UCSB does.
Z: Rock on!
She: Right now, all UCSB does is shut down all the parking on campus. If they started to charge, then they could make a bunch of money to help pay for all the extra costs. Possibly even make a profit.
Z: A profit for The Man.
She: Eventually, if people started to think the event was getting too commercial, then it wouldn’t be cool anymore and maybe it would get toned down to something more manageable.
Z: You’re such a killjoy. I think they should go the opposite direction, and fence the whole place off with nobody policing it. Complete anarchy. Burning Man in I.V.
She: It’s scary enough already.
She: Seriously? You’ve never been out there for Halloween?
Z: I was kind of afraid when I was in high school, out of town in college, and it feels a little creepy to go out there now.
She: I’ve been. There are more drunk men dressed like women than the rowdiest gay bar in West Hollywood. Although, there’s so much spilled beer on the street that the platform shoes actually make sense. I love Halloween, but truthfully, in I.V., it’s kind of icky.
Z: I still think the total anarchy direction is the way to handle it. You could do the whole thing out of the psychology department as a massive experiment.
She: Nah. I think corporatization is the way to go. Get McDonalds to sponsor the party, and you can have Mayor McCheese handing out free Big Macs.
Z: And with my way, you could have Mayor McCrossDresser handing out free Red Bulls.
She: I’m pretty sure that’s already happening.
Z: Wow. I really do need to get out there one year.
She: The thing that most surprises me about not charging for parking is that they actually did it at Girsh Park this year as a fund raiser.
Z: Which explains the parking nightmare for the soccer games this weekend.
She: Yeah, but it’s always a mess at Halloween anyhow. Might as well make it a profitable mess.
Z: Rock on!
She: Yes, dear.
— Share your Isla Vista Halloween suggestions with She and Z by e-mailing email@example.com.