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Saturday, January 19 , 2019, 12:36 am | Fair 49º


She Said, Z Said: Obama Schmobama

He wowed us and wooed us, and now he doesn't write or call. Is he really The One?

Z: I am so disappointed in Barack Obama.

She: The man’s been our almost-president for two months now, and what has he done?

Z: Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

She: I Karaoked for Obama, I went to parties for Obama, I gave him some of my hard-earned cash. I still have his bumper sticker on my car, which is more than I’ve ever done for any presidential candidate.

Z: True that.

She: And what has he done for me this year?

Z: The big O. Make that the big O-bama.

She: Exactly. I don’t have my personal unicorn yet. Do you?

Z: Not even a lousy golden-egg-laying goose.

She: Maybe we’re being too selfish. Has he done anything for the rest of the world?

Z: Nope. The economy is still tanking, the war is still going on in Iraq, and people in Goleta are still convinced it’s a real city.

She: He has given us a few shirtless moments. I like that.

Z: And he made a bunch of competent appointments — except, none of those people think exactly like I do. Smart and capable? Really? That’s it?

She: I was so excited about him, too. Why did we elect this guy?

Z: I don’t know. But I’m in no mood to get burned again.

She: Do you remember that incredible sense of optimism at President Bill Clinton’s inauguration? I think he was the first person I ever voted for who won.

Z: I can still feel the tingling wonder of Michael Stipe and Natalie Merchant singing “To Sir With Love” at one of the Inauguration parties, and being sure that everything was going to be good with the world.

She: And then we got burned. I just don’t know if I can love again.

Z: And then there was President Bush in 2004. He told us we were fat and ugly and scared, and so we begged him to get back together with us.

She: We may have been in a bad head space, but we totally deserved waking up to him every morning.

Z: But then Obama came along and told us we were pretty and smart.

She: And we believed him. Why doesn’t he call any more? I only got six e-mails from MoveOn last week. I feel so neglected.

Z: Does it seem maybe a little premature to be disappointed?

She: I felt the same way on Christmas Eve, preparing myself for the possibility that Santa might not be coming, and knowing that you bought me a present “just in case.”

Z: Do you think we’re being hard on Obama?

She: No. You remember how I always know what TV characters are thinking and doing when they’re not on the screen?

Z: I still find it shocking that Radar and Hotlips were an item off screen. How do you know these things?

She: It’s a gift. Even though Obama said that times were going to be tough and we’d all have to work together to make things better, I’m sure what he really meant to say, what he was saying off screen, was that he would perform miracles and make it all better for us.

Z: Exactly. That’s why they call him The One.

She: Why else would there be that awesome music on Jon Stewart whenever they said his name?

Z: You’re probably right. So how do we protect ourselves?

She: Uh, I’m not sure. Some of our friends are shrouding themselves in hopefulness.

Z: That’s not really our style.

She: What about cautious optimism?

Z: And lowering the bar a little?

She: That sounds more like us. Although I still keep looking in my stocking for my unicorn.

Z: Is that why your stocking is still up?

She: Of course. Hope springs eternal — or at least until Inauguration Day.

Z: We can only hope. Here’s to Sir with love.

She: Yes, dear.

Has anyone gotten a unicorn yet? Share yours with She and Z at [email protected]

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