Sunday, May 20 , 2018, 4:07 am | Fair 52º


She Said, Z Said: We’ll Toss Out Some Prose and See How It Goes

Looking for a poet laureate? We like the sonnet of that, so take the measure of our iambic pentameter

Z: I think that I shall never see ... a bulb-out as lovely as a tree.

She: OK.

Z: Or how about: I think that I shall never see ... a marijuana dispensary?

She: I think that I shall never see ... my husband writing poetry. What are you doing?

Z: Working on my application to be Santa Barbara’s next poet laureate. I’m local, I rhyme. It’s mine.

She: Ah, so the movie thing didn’t work out, the rock star thing didn’t work out, the city councilman thing didn’t work out, and this is where you go next — poet laureate?

Z: It pays a thousand bucks a year.

She: Whoo-hoo.

Z: It can’t be that hard. David Starkey did it and he still found time to teach classes, write books, host the Creative Community Show on TV, write and produce plays, and have enough kids to field his own revival of The Brady Bunch.

She: Aren’t you forgetting about the whole poetry writing requirement for the poet laureate position?

Z: That can’t be much of a roadblock. I know they chose Starkey just because he’s tall, so that you can see him from far away and behind podiums. I’ve got the tall thing nailed.

She: I still think there might be some poetry required.

Z: That’s what I’m working on. How about: Santa Barbara ... it ain’t Budapesta ... year-round sunshine ... except at Fiesta?

She: I think you’d have better luck writing about something closer to your heart.

Z: Like: Baby, baby, where did our favorite restaurants and stores go?

She: I don’t think putting something in italics makes it a poem. I’m pretty sure it has to rhyme, at the very least.

Z: Oh Deano’s, oh Earthling, oh Lilypad, oh Frimples ... You’ve taken my smile, you’ve taken my dimples ... Our music was Morninglory, our Square was Picadilly ... It’s the saddest story, that you’re gone willly-nilly.

She: Maybe no rhymes. And you left out Frog on a Banana Leaf Laughing.

Z: Built-in poetry with that one. I’m going to have to steal it.

She: It was a really cute clothing store back in the day.

Z: Frog on a Banana Leaf Laughing ... I guess there was a problem with staffing.

She: I’m sorry that I mentioned the rhyme thing. It doesn’t all have to rhyme.

Z: Not all the time? Is that really a crime?

She: Stop.

Z: I suppose I should come up with some more positive poems about Santa Barbara.

She: Maybe something about the beaches? The mountains? The weather?

Z: Yo, SB. You my city. You so pretty. You so So Cal that I dropped this little ditty.

She: I don’t think they’re looking for a rap laureate.

Z: Don’t dis my poetry slam. You’re being petty because you don’t understand my art. I think that proves that I’m a poet.

She: I think you should know that they expect you to be a little more polished. Part of the application process is showing them five published poems by Feb. 22.

Z: That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m way ahead of the pack. I think there are at least five publishable poems right in this column.

She: Other than the poem part, sure.

Z: Fine. Maybe Goleta is looking for a poet laureate, too, and hopefully they aren’t so picky.

She: What rhymes with Costco?

Z: While I like the direction you’re going, I have a much classier, more literary take.

She: I’m afraid to ask.

Z: Goleta, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Go-lee-ta ...

She: Yes, dear.

— When She and Z aren’t waxing poetically about street signs — or Noozhawk’s new redesign — they can be reached at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Supporter

Enter your email
Select your membership level

Payment Information

You are purchasing:

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >