Sunday, March 18 , 2018, 8:57 am | Fair 44º


She Said, Z Said: Who Are Your Celebrity Doppelgangers?

She and Z use online face recognition software to match up with their famous look-alikes

Z: When I was growing up, I never looked like anyone famous.

She: People used to say I looked like Linda Ronstadt, and Jeaney on I Dream of Jeannie.

Z: Jeaney? How is it Jeaney, not Jeannie?

She: I mean Jeannie’s evil sister, Jeaney, in the black wig. Also, Velma Dinkley from Scooby Doo and Big Bird from Sesame Street.

Z: Big Bird. Sweet. I scored in the wife department.

She: I think that was more of a height thing than a covered-with-yellow-feathers thing.

Z: I always looked like me — at least until I grew my hair long. Then I had flight attendants on Southwest begging me to sing Peter Frampton songs, small women in Bali chasing after me yelling, “Michael Booolton, Michael Booolton!” and women in sushi bars mistaking me for Weird Al Yankovich.

She: One of the more horrifying moments of my life was having Weird Al’s date mistakenly sidle up to you. Ugh. I didn’t mind being married to Kenny G or Peter Horton, but definitely could have passed on being with Weird Al.

Z: The final straw for me was the day somebody thought I looked like Andy Dick. That’s the day I pretty much shaved my head.

She: And that was before he was legally charged as a pervert! The funny thing is that I don’t think any of those guys really looked like one another or like you. The only defining characteristic you all shared was your long, curly hair.

Z: This is why the celebrity face recognition software on and Doppleganger week on Facebook are cracking me up.

She: That’s why it’s cracking you up?

Z: OK, really it’s because of who it said was yours and Koss’ celebrity twins, but we’ve got to save that for a big reveal at the end.

She: We are so not sharing that.

Z: scans a picture of your face, and then it gives you a statistical percentage of what celebrity you most look like.

She: But it’s clearly random. It has to be.

Z: For me, I think it was really just focusing on my glasses, because I got a bunch of guys who wear glasses. The top few were Harold Ramis, Neil Diamond and Roger Daltry.

She: Old guys.

Z: And James Van Der Beek.

She: Sure …

Z: So then I tried some old pictures of me without glasses.

She: And?

Z: Really just a string of embarrassingly handsome men. What can I say?

She: More proof that the program is totally inaccurate.

Z: I also got the Armenian drummer from System of a Down, John Dolmayan.

She: No idea who that is.

Z: Me neither, but he’s the only guy who was one of my twins from more than one photo.

She: The whole thing is ridiculous and grossly unscientific.

Z: You’re just saying that because of your twins. And the winners are …

She: Fine. I’m secure enough to share. I think it’s funny that it said I looked like Jeff Goldblum, Meryl Streep and Queen Latifah. Because clearly, they all look a lot like one another.

Z: That is so hot. Now I’m married to Big Bird and Jeff Goldblum. Super sweet.

She: I read somewhere that Queen Latifah is actually the love child of Jeff Goldblum and Meryl Streep.

Z: Why is it that everyone on Facebook posted doppelgangers who are prettier than they are, but ours are clearly uglier?

She: It is kind of funny. Do you think Courteney Cox had Megan Fox’s picture up this week? I heard Clay Aiken put up Zac Ephron’s picture.

Z: I really wish I didn’t know who any of those people were.

She: I also uploaded George Clooney’s picture to to see who it thought he looked like.

Z: Let me guess: George Clooney?

She: Unfortunately, yeah. He got a 96 percent match with himself. Lucky guess. But the No. 3 and 4 people he looks like? David Carradine and Mikhail Gorbachev.

Z: I knew it! He is a commie! This program is dead-on. Especially when it compared me to Ethan Hawke and … wait for it … Clooney.

She: Be still my heart. Unfortunately, that’s absolutely absurd.

Z: OK. So, who is Koss’ celebrity twin?

She: He got Dakota Fanning as a 99 percent look-alike.

Z: She must be so honored.

She: Yes, dear.

— Who are your celebrity doppelgangers? Tell She and Z by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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