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Friday, March 22 , 2019, 8:11 am | Fair 44º

 
 
 

Paul Burri: Getting Some Healthy Exercise

Wise guys know that mental acuity is the key to physical fitness.

Many years ago I had a woman friend who was a nurse. If I remember correctly she was what is called a “floater.” That means she didn’t have a regular place where she worked; instead she would go out on short assignments here and there. She told me about an assignment she had tending a very wealthy man in Palm Springs who was recovering from heart surgery. His doctor advised him that he had to begin exercising after he got home. This gentleman wanted to know if it was OK for him to hire someone to exercise for him. I guess when you have lots of money, you can hire someone to do almost anything for you.

Paul Burri
Paul Burri
I wish I were that rich. Recently I went to my doctor for a routine checkup. He told me to join a health club. Three days later I followed his directions and joined one near my home.

About six months later on a routine follow-up visit to the same doctor I discovered that he intended that I actually go to the health club. If I had known that in the first place, I’m not sure I would have joined. Anyway I tried to convince him I was already getting enough exercise for a guy my age.

I spend about two and a half hours every Monday and Tuesday morning jumping to conclusions, smelling the roses, waiving my rights, flying off the handle and walking on eggs.

Then on Wednesdays I just rest on my laurels.

But on Thursday and Friday mornings I spend another two and a half hours cooling my heels, waxing nostalgic, casting aspersions, pleading ignorance and digging up old memories.

I don’t do any more exercising until the following Monday. Doing the same exercises all the time can get monotonous but I have a solution for that. Sometimes I break the usual Monday routine by exercising good judgment, tearing my hair out, breaking promises and running for office. The same for Wednesdays when instead of the usual exercises I plant rumors, stand up for my friends, shoot my mouth off and weigh the consequences.

So I think with all the exercise I’m getting, I can quit the health club and save the money.

But first I think I’ll sleep on it.

Paul Burri is an entrepreneur, inventor, columnist, engineer and iconoclast. He is not in the advertising business but he is a small business counselor with the Santa Barbara chapter of the Service Corps of Retired Executives (SCORE).

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