Monday, September 24 , 2018, 1:37 pm | A Few Clouds 69º

 
 
 

She Said, Z Said: Friendship Matters on Facebook

Facebook begs the question: What are you doing right now? Do I really have to answer that?

Z: Which do you think is worse: the fact that I’m the last person in America to get on Facebook, or that we’re the last columnists in America to write about it?

She: I’ve got a theory about columnists and Facebook.

Z: Does it involve math?

She: Up until very recently, I avoided Facebook in order to get some work done. What with the sun rising and setting, the birds singing outside and the coffeepot calling my name, I don’t need any other distractions.

Z: Why not? Koss is 9. Our work with him is done, so that will free up all kinds of time.

She: When was the last time you drove carpool? Anyway, in a weak moment I gave into the impulse to sign up for Facebook and am now completely mesmerized by the whirlwind of communication that has taken over my inbox.

Z: It’s no longer just a plethora of Viagra adds.

She: So instead of feeling totally guilty and stupid about all the time I’ve been spending on Facebook, we can write a column and call it research. Which is what all the other columnists have already figured out, and that’s why there are so many columns about Facebook.

Z: But aren’t we kind of behind the curve?

She: We’re not that bad.

Z: I don’t know. When Kim welcomed me with, “Next, twitter! Then you will be caught up with everything that is so last year!” I think she was pretty much right on the money.

She: I don’t think writing back, “Up your nose with a rubber hose” exactly disproved her thesis.

Z: I am soooo cool. Even the Fonz thinks so.

She: Besides, there are still plenty of people who are signing up.

Z: I don’t know. When I signed up, it told me that your dad was already on it.

She: No way. Why hasn’t he invited me as a friend?

Z: It means that he doesn’t love you. Or, he might not even know that he’s on it.

She: That sounds about right.

Z: On the plus side, I had 7 million friends almost immediately. Those early adoptors probably felt like they didn’t have any friends at all.

She: I think they only started inviting adults recently. MySpace was for kids, Facebook was for college kids, and telegrams were for the adults.

Z: What happened to e-mail?

She: Too slow. And, it’s beside the point of Facebook.

Z: Which is ...?

She: To prove that I have more friends than you.

Z: It’s not a competition. Loser.

She: C’mon, be honest. You haven’t really made any new friends since eighth grade.

Z: Do old girlfriends count?

She: I’ll spot you a few from college, which is practically unavoidable. As long as I have more friends than you do, the online world still makes sense.

Z: Only you could turn online social networking into a competitive thing.

She: Like that’s not what you were trying to do when you put your

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