Wednesday, August 15 , 2018, 2:59 am | Fair 67º


She Said, Z Said: Get to Work, Kid!

Don't read too much into this but we're very supportive of child writers — especially if the child writer can support us.

She: Did you hear about that 9-year-old kid on the best-seller list?

Z: There’s a book about a 9-year-old? Is it called, It Takes a Village to Buy Me a Wii?

She: No. There’s a book written by a 9-year-old.

Z: That’s got to be about as thick as the Jewish Sports Stars book. Is it about dogs?

She: Nope. It’s a self-help book about relationships.

Z: That makes sense. Who has more experience with relationships than 9-year-olds? The stories they could tell you. The joy, the heartbreak.

She: This kid, Alex Greven, wrote How to Talk to Girls as a school project. Now he’s got a multiple-book publishing deal with HarperCollins and he’s in discussions with Disney and Fox about a movie.

Z: Must ... kill ... 9-year-old ...

She: Darn straight.

Z: This brings up an interesting point. Our kid’s 9. What has he done lately? Certainly nothing worth six figures.

She: He did win an essay contest.

Z: And what’d he get for that, five bucks?

She: A certificate.

Z: He’s smart enough. Let’s look through his school projects to see if there’s anything we can sell.

She: Sounds like a sound economic stimulus plan. Let’s see, we’ve got an Island of the Blue Dolphins paper, a diorama on Because of Winn Dixie, and a bunch of information about missions.

Z: Secret agent missions? People love that James Bond stuff.

She: The California Missions. The Spaniards coming to America.

Z: That should do great. Everyone loved the movie 1492. Blockbuster.

She: Alex’s book is called How to Talk to Girls. Maybe Koss can write something like that.

Z: OK, what about How to Talk to Moms?

She: That’s Alex’s second book.

Z: How to Talk to Dads?

She: That’s the third one.

Z: How to Talk to Teachers?

She: I think we should buy that book for Koss, not have him write it. Though he could write, How to Talk Back to Adults beautifully.

Z: Don’t see lots of parents jumping on making that purchase.

She: How to Talk to Yourself in the Bathtub?

Z: Too disturbing. I think we need to get away from the whole “how to” genre for him. I don’t know that he’s really the expert you want to consult on “how to” anything.

She: Then maybe he could write a collection of his observations.

Z: Like, Boys Are From Mars; Girls are From Jupiter Because They Are Stupider?

She: I thought that was your next book.

Z: Clearly I’m too old for this writing game. Time to let the fresh blood take over.

She: But we need to give him some ideas. It’s like homework. He can do it by himself, but he won’t even start it unless I nag him about it.

Z: Um, OK. Do you have any ideas?

She: Me? What about you?

Z: You’re the one with the ideas. I’m the one who tells you if they’re good ideas.

She: Ah. Hmmm. He could write a book about How to Get Everything You Want on $1 a Week.

Z: I don’t think “ask your parents for stuff” is enough to fill a book.

She: It is a rather brilliant strategy, though. Do you think it’s too late to try it on my parents?

Z: Way, way too late. Once they become grandparents, the kids are chopped liver.

She: That’s not a bad title. It’s got some possibilities.

Z: You think?

She: Sure. Guess what Alex’s fourth book is?

Z: How to Get Everything You Want on a Six-Figure Advance?

She: How to Talk to Santa.

Z: I think that’s what I just said.

She: Yes, dear.

What have your kids written lately? Share their stories with She and Z at [email protected]

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