Wednesday, July 18 , 2018, 3:33 pm | Mostly Cloudy 72º


She Said, Z Said: Garage Sale

There's no telling what you'll find on the corner of free and cheap — maybe even a husband. But let the buyer beware.

She: My back hurts.

Z: Tell me about it. I think I sprained my butt.

She: From a garage sale?

Z: Oh. I thought we were talking about bowling.

She: I still can’t believe we had a huge garage sale last weekend and we still have a garage full of boxes.

Z: I still can’t believe we made 475 bucks and didn’t sell any one item for more than 15 cents. This neighborhood rocks.

She: It was our neighbor’s garage sale signs that did it. She did all the marketing for us.

Z: Hey, I made signs.

She: Sure you did. Two of them, out of old cardboard boxes and dried up Sharpie markers. What a marketing whiz!

Z: How can you doubt my marketing prowess? Don’t forget I was the one who finally sold our couch on craigslist by raising the price.

She: True. And I must admit garage sales are great for getting rid of items that we can’t give away for free.

Z: Is that why you practically gave everything away?

She: I sold some stuff.

Z: Like the two brand-new juicers we got for wedding gifts.

She: Hey, we never used them all those years they were in storage. Why start now?

Z: I still can’t believe you felt guilty enough about one guy beating the other guy to the juicer that you went inside and sold him the one out of our kitchen.

She: It’s important to honor the garage sale culture.

Z: You mean the one where the guys with pickup trucks show up a half-hour before the start time, and stroll so stealthily onto your property that you don’t realize what they’re doing until they hand you your newspaper?

She: Exactly. And then they proceed to help you unpack your stuff, and even if you tell them it’s free, they’ll say that’s too much and ask you to throw in a little something extra for their trouble.

Z: You realize you’re the only person in the known universe that strategy actually works on?

She: What can I say? I like the idea of recycling — and selling stuff. And having a clean garage. Would you like some free comic books with that comment? How about some baby clothes? We have lots of sizes. Some never even worn.

Z: That’s why I had to keep a close watch on you.

She: What do you mean? How about screenwriting books? We’ve got tons of those. And lots of nice crystal vases.

Z: I’m worried you’d sell me if someone made an offer.

She: Uhh ... you should maybe not read craigslist for a while ...

Z: I hope you’re asking for more than we got for the couch.

She: For SALE: One used, middle-aged male body, economy-sized, slightly worn in places, but swims masters, so it has good lung capacity. The engine takes a long time to get started in the morning, shuts down early at night, and requires frequent breaks, and lots of beer to make it purr. But it runs all right for the most part. Just don’t take it bowling; you’ll hear complaints for a week. Will make you a great deal. Place your bid today or leave a message if you have any questions.

Z: Yes, dear.

To make a bid on anything at their house, including Zak, e-mail [email protected]

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