She: I can’t believe Davy Jones is dead. That’s so sad.
Z: It is sad. He wasn’t that old.
She: And he was still so cute and fit and trim.
Z: Aren’t you a little too young to have been a fan of The Monkees? The show ran from 1966 to 1968.
She: I think I saw them in reruns. I can’t remember exactly, but I do remember that Davy Jones was definitely one of my first safe crushes.
Z: Safe crush? Is that opposed to a dangerous crush?
She: Exactly. When girls first start to become aware of boys they have no interest in real boys, who are way too messy and smelly and say all the wrong things.
Z: Not me. I only farted roses and said things like, “Uh, like, Jordache sucks.”
She: When girls are young they need someone nonthreatening to fantasize about.
Z: Or a unicorn.
She: We couldn’t afford that, but we did have a TV set and a record player and spent a lot of time talking about our first celebrity safe crushes.
She: I wasn’t really a poster girl either, but I did have a subscription to Tiger Beat, which I devoured immediately the minute it came in the mail. Then I taped all of my favorite pictures inside the wall in my closet.
Z: You’re such a girl.
She: I think they were there until I went away to college.
Z: And Davy Jones was your favorite man-child?
She: Yep, I was always a sucker for accents. You’re right about the man-child persona, although I didn’t realize it at the time. He was cute and had groovy clothes and a cool way of talking, but there was still something inherently nonthreatening about him.
Z: You do realize he was an actor, right?
She: I was young, but there was still something really cute but nonthreatening about the character he played. He was definitely the cutest Monkee.
Z: I’m sure it was just all that paisley.
She: I love their music and Davy Jones had that great mop of hair that would slide into his eyes just a little bit.
Z: Note the similarity to Justin Bieber.
Z: I liked The Monkees fine. Catchy theme song, although I remember being disappointed when I discovered that they weren’t really monkeys. It felt like false advertising.
She: “Daydream Believer,” “Last Train to Clarksville,” “Girl”? I loved those songs. We’d play them over and over.
Z: I’d make fun of you, but we played the Chipmunk Rock album a lot.
She: And you know how I feel about The Brady Bunch?
Z: It was almost our wedding theme.
She: My favorite episode ever of The Brady Bunch was when Davy Jones came to town and Marcia tracked him down at the recording studio.
Z: All your worlds came together. Beautiful.
She: She was president of the Fillmore Junior High Davy Jones Fan Club, and she had bragged to the whole school that she could get him to perform at her prom.
Z: Since when do junior highs have proms? I had issues with the reality of that episode.
She: Davy Jones had written a nice letter to Marcia so she thought they were close friends and she could get him to come to her school.
Z: Thus beginning today’s long tradition of celebrity hounding where every schmo in the world thinks he or she can get a date with their favorite star just by making a lame YouTube video.
She: If you were Marcia Brady it would work. Trust me. I wrote a letter asking him to come to our school after that episode. All I got back was an autographed picture.
Z: He was probably bombarded with letters after that Brady Bunch episode.
She: I bet he would have come if only my elementary school had a prom.
Z: Yes, dear.