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Sunday, December 16 , 2018, 10:27 pm | Fair 53º


She Said, Z Said: Licensed to Plate

If you're going to be a bumper expressionist, show some character with your creativity — otherwise it drives us NUTZ. Vanity, thy name is ... you know who you are.

Z: Why do Minis all have personalized license plates?

She: To get to the other side?

Z: For the most part, I think of Mini owners as being stylish, fashion-conscious people. But then they can’t resist getting a personalized license plate that almost invariably comments on the size of the car.

She: The economy is swirling down the toilet, and this is what makes you angry?

Z: MINI ME. MNISKRT. POQUITO. Yes, we know it’s a small car. Thank you for reminding us. Even the one Mini owner I know who got a normal, un-personalized, sequential license plate from the state, it starts with 5L. Like Fievel, the little mouse.

She: What is your fascination with license plates?

Z: You don’t love license plates?

She: Nooo ...

Z: Koss gets it.

She: Tell me about it. He sees a license plate, and he’ll say, “Ooh, a 6G. We have to tell Dad about that.”

Z: That’s my boy.

She: Sigh. Don’t remind me.

Z: What’s that supposed to mean?

She: I’m worried he’ll take over the fictional family business you started in your head, where you’re the official DMV guy who tries to catch all the nasty things people try to slip into their personalized license plates.

Z: That’s a great job. I’d be proud of him if he did that. And, I’m not so sure it’s fictional.

She: Not fictional like the job you have helping people name their newborns, by trying to figure out all the possible mean nicknames they might encounter?

Z: Not fictional like there’s a real list of all the three letter combinations that the DMV has already chosen to skip on their sequential plates. (Click here for the list.)

She: I’m so sorry they gave that job to someone else. Don’t cry.

Z: The list has all the really obvious ones, like the ones we shouldn’t even list here.

She: DAM. That’s too bad.

Z: And then there are ones like CIA and FBI, which kind of make sense when you think about them. As opposed to YES, which used to be banned but no longer is, and YEP, which is still banned. What’s that about?

She: I checked the list, and I think they went too far. I think it would have been fun to see three cars lined up next to each other with NUN, GOD and JEW. So these three cars go into a lot ...

Z: And I’m not sure I get UPU.

She: So these three cars go into a carwash, and their plates are NUN, GOD and JEW ...

Z: Got it.

She: No, these three cars are waiting at a traffic light ... No, these three cars are in line at In-N-Out Burger ... No, at that drive-through liquor and gun store we saw in Tennessee once.

Z: Stop. We’re talking about license plates here, not your three guys walk into a bar joke obsession. That’s our next column.

She: Promise?

Z: So, license plates. I could see where it might be bad luck to get a plate with DOA, DIE, FAT or DUD on it.

She: Not as funny as three guys walk into a bar jokes, but I must confess that I get a certain adolescent giggle out of reading through the list. Is this what it’s like inside your head all the time?

Z: No, no, no. Sometimes, I think about eating, also.

She: Then why do the personalized Mini license plates bug you so much?

Z: Maybe I’m just offended that they’re too easy. Where’s the challenge for me to figure out HUGEMNI?

She: Looking at the list of banned letter combinations, I love that RUM and JUG were banned but now they’re allowed again.

Z: You had to bring it back to bar jokes? UPU!

She: Yes, dear.

Tell She and Z what you think at [email protected]

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