Friday, February 23 , 2018, 12:51 pm | Fair 58º

 
 
 

She Said, Z Said: Ringing Thy Royal Neck

For better or worse, Prince William isn't the only man who says 'I don't' to wearing a wedding band

She: I never would have described you as a prince of a husband before, but I just found out you and Wills have something in common.

Z: He wasn’t in any way interested in the royal wedding either?

She: No.

Z: That we dated a long time and lived together before we got married?

She: No, not that.

Z: Is he secretly married to Scarlett Johansson, too?

She: Huh?

Z: Both of our weddings cost close to $50 billion?

She: No, not that either.

Z: Obviously, it’s that I treat you like a princess. Whatever you want, the answer is yes.

She: I wish. C’mon. Look at yourself. Notice anything in common with Wills?

Z: Hey, that’s mean. I’m almost 20 years older than Prince William, and my hairline isn’t receding nearly as much as his.

She: I think his hair is making room for the crown, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

Z: I give up. Please, please tell me. I’m almost as excited to find out what I have in common with Prince William as I was about his wedding.

She: Prince William has decided not to wear a wedding ring.

Z: Good for him. Way to avoid the possibility of a jewelry-based allergic reaction.

She: Apparently, very allergic. Unlike you, he didn’t even bother to buy one, or to get married with a wedding ring. At least you actually own one.

Z: I succumbed to peer pressure. Apparently, pre-kings don’t have to worry about that.

She: I thought you liked your ring. We picked it out together, and got all those special dates engraved on it. It’s very romantic.

Z: I do like my ring. It’s really great to put it on once a year on special occasions, like our anniversary, and Ramey and Chuck’s anniversary. And, with the three intertwined rings, it’s a lot of fun to play with.

She: Would it kill you to wear it a little more frequently?

Z: Rather than blithely putting it on every day like a robot man or a Stepford husband, I wear my ring on very romantic, significant days. When I wear my ring, I mean it.

She: Well, when you put it that way ...

Z: If I always had it on, it would cease to have meaning. Like my socks.

She: Maybe ...

Z: I’m the most romantic man in the world because I only wear my ring on special occasions. When I wear my ring, I’m thinking about our deep love and devotion and sweetness and light and love and stuff.

She: Yeah. Way to sell it.

Z: It’s not like I wear other jewelry. I don’t even wear a watch. I have no tattoos. I am unadorned. I barely even wear clothes.

She: True.

Z: And can you imagine the amount of time I’ve saved over the 100 years of our marriage? It would have taken a minute out of every day to put it on and take it off, which would have added up to over six years of time spent solely on the ring, my precious. Six years!

She: I don’t think your ring math is very good, and all of your romantic points have just gone away.

Z: Besides, everyone knows I’m married. We write this column together, and my picture is at the top of it — big forehead and all. All I need now is a crown. Which I would only wear on special occasions. Like Ramey and Chuck’s anniversary.

She: Yes, dear.

— Should men wear wedding rings? Should women? Tell She and Z what you think by emailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Follow Leslie Dinaberg on Twitter.

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