Sunday, July 22 , 2018, 9:10 pm | Fair 73º


Jeff Moehlis: Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho! The Dwarves in Santa Barbara!

Notorious punk rock band to perform at Velvet Jones on Thursday night

The punk rock band The Dwarves has taken the “Sex & Drugs & Rock ‘n’ Roll” mantra to heart, with nearly three decades of decadence under their belts. If you’re not easily offended, check them out at Velvet Jones next Thursday on a bill that includes The DTEASE, ¡La Vasa! and Hopeless Jack & the Handsome Devil.

Tickets are available online by clicking here.

Formed in Chicago and now based in San Francisco, The Dwarves gained early notoriety for ferocious 15-minute shows that often degraded into violent brawls and at times included onstage sex acts. They also raised eyebrows with controversial song and album titles and artwork, including the 1990 album Blood Guts & Pussy, which shows nude women (and a midget) drenched in animal blood.

At the core of the band are singer Blag Dahlia and guitarist HeWhoCannotBeNamed, the latter the subject of a death hoax that got the band dropped from record label Sub Pop. Dahlia was in the news when he was assaulted in 2004 by Queens of the Stone Age guitarist Josh Homme.

Dahlia answered the following questions by email. His full, uncensored answers can be found online by clicking here.

Jeff Moehlis: What can we look forward to at your upcoming show in Santa Barbara?

Blag Dahlia: We are the best-looking band in show business, so I’m thinking red carpets, paparazzi and lots of coke!

JM: The Beach Boys will be playing that same night in Santa Ynez, which is close enough that some Santa Barbarans will make the trip. What would you say to someone who is trying to decide if they should go to The Dwarves or The Beach Boys?

BD: They might be a better band, but we draw the line at huffing tape head cleaner and f***ing the Manson girls.

JM: Regarding HeWhoCannotBeNamed, were you disappointed with how Sub Pop reacted to the death hoax?

BD: Disappointment dogs Sub Pop like the stench of a fat girl from Seattle. And HeWho lives on, in the hearts of small children and cute puppy dogs.

JM: What was the Chicago punk rock scene like when The Dwarves first started out?

BD: It was pretty f***ing tedious. But the pizza was good.

JM: Why did the band make the move to San Francisco?

BD: We needed better hair if we wanted to move to L.A.

JM: When I think of punk rock and San Francisco, I think of the Dead Kennedys and The Avengers. Any notable interactions over the years with Jello Biafra or Penelope Houston?

BD: Penelope is still kind of cute, which is pretty astounding. Jello was always an ugly son of a b****, but he talks like Fred Schneider from the B-52s, so he’s OK with me. And I still do the best Jello imitation you’ve never heard.

JM: Have you reconciled with Josh Homme?

BD: If Donald Trump had bingo flaps and played really s****y guitar, he’d be that guy.

JM: Do you want to set the record straight on anything about The Dwarves?

BD: The Dwarves Are Still The Best Band Ever.

JM: Who is your favorite dwarf from the pop culture world — for example, from The Hobbit movie or Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs?

BD: Dopey!

And speaking of dopey, check out for all the news on the Dwarves and check out my podcast

— Jeff Moehlis is a Noozhawk contributing writer and a professor of mechanical engineering at UCSB. Upcoming show recommendations, advice from musicians, interviews and more are available on his web site, The opinions expressed are his own.

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