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Monday, November 19 , 2018, 12:00 pm | Fair with Haze 65º


She Said, Z Said: It’s Supposed to be Sunny in Santa Barbara

Where's this climate change we've been hearing about?

She: I think there’s something about growing up in Santa Barbara that makes you particularly attuned to climate change.

Z: Is that why you complain whenever the weather isn’t a perfect 78 degrees?

She: Exactly. The way you can tell a true Santa Barbaran is that we are perfectly calibrated to operate at maximum efficiency when the weather is between 76 and 81 degrees. Add humidity to the mix or high winds and we start feeling a little bit nervous.

Z: We are a bunch of finely tuned race horses. Just don’t make us run in the snow or the heat. And by snow and heat, I mean a light drizzle and anything over 85 degrees.

She: It’s hard not to obsess about the weather when Koss got out of school on Thursday and the temperatures were still in the 60s. There’s something not right about that.

Z: And we’ve had the full reverse-overcast this year — it’s been sunny in the morning and foggy in the afternoon. My world is in turmoil.

She: I’m thinking about adding the weather sensitivity gauge to the “You know you’re from Santa Barbara when ...” quiz on Facebook. It’s probably the best way to tell who’s a true local.

Z: As opposed to those of us — meaning me and not you — who were actually born here and didn’t weasel their way in as kindergarteners.

She: Exactly.

Z: Just as the Inuit have 2,700 words for “snow,” true Santa Barbarans have infinite variations for “June Gloom” and “May Gray.”

She: “Summer Suck.”

Z: It’s also amazing how much we can all talk about the weather when, according to the rest of the country, we don’t actually have any weather.

She: But they’re all so very wrong.

Z: We definitely have weather. Four big seasons of it. Pleasant, more pleasant, beautiful, and — ugh — less pleasant. I know exactly which season is which.

She: Some winters, I don’t even leave the house.

Z: This weather sensitivity adaptation of which you speak, is this why you wimped out on our camping trip this week?

She: Can you imagine my not wanting to tent camp at June Lake in the middle of high winds and thunderstorms? I must be the crazy one.

Z: Yes.

She: C’mon, you know darn well you’re just as much of a weather wimp as I am.

Z: How can you say that?

She: You won’t even wear shorts unless it’s 76 degrees or higher.

Z: That’s just practical. At least I don’t go hide under the covers every time it rains.

She: That’s my nesting instinct. I come out for hot chocolate and DVDs on those cold winter days.

Z: Those cold winter 65-degree days?

She: Exactly. June gloom is a real thing — it’s not the just the clouds that get gloomy. How depressing is it to be wearing a sweatshirt on the last day of school?

Z: Your own version of seasonal affective disorder.

She: It’s not my fault I grew up in Santa Barbara.

Z: We all have our crosses to bear.

She: Thank goodness Solstice is next weekend, so I can put away the sweaters and fire up the Margaritas.

Z: What if it’s still in the 60s?

She: Impossible. All of the dancing and the music will heat up the pavement and magically bring the sun out to shine by Saturday.

Z: Not to mention the scantily clad revelers in the parade.

She: We all have to do our part to make Santa Barbara sunny again.

Z: Yes, dear.

— Share your weather woes with She and Z at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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