Pixel Tracker

Wednesday, February 20 , 2019, 8:33 pm | Fair 48º

 
 
 

She Said, Z Said: With Not A Lot on Their Plate, dmv.ca.gov Is the Best We Can Do?

Eureka! California's bureaucrats have found the lamest state slogan on the road today

Z: dmv.ca.gov? Seriously?

She: What’s with the website? Is the DMV our new sponsor? It seems unlikely.

Z: Nope. dmv.ca.gov is on the newest California license plates. You know how the California plates are extremely simple — white background, blue characters, California in red script? And absolutely nothing else?

She: I know every single lyric in “Rock of Ages” but I couldn’t tell you the numbers on my own license plate, let alone the colors.

Z: Well, they’re very simple, because clearly there have been 12,000 hours of bureaucratic meetings hashing out the least offensive plate possible.

She: It worked. I’m not offended by license plates.

Z: Now you should be. All of the sudden, they’ve added dmv.ca.gov to the bottom of the plates in red lettering. Seventy-two square inches of real estate, and this is the thing that they decide to add?

She: If one were to care about such things, it would seem odd.

Z: Odd? It’s horrifying. First off, seriously? Did someone at the DMV just discover that there’s a zany new thing that all the kids are doing called the Internet? “Gentlemen, we’ve got to get in on this Internet thing. Smith, any ideas?” “Yes, sir. Let’s put dmv.ca.gov on our license plates, and then all the kids can visit us at something called a website. It’s the cat’s pajamas.”

She: I had no idea that the meetings at the DMV were in black and white and took place in the 1940s.

Z: Second, who wants to advertise the DMV on their license plate? This is the thing that’s so beloved by all Californians, that it deserves a space on our cars? Most states put mountains or lakes or even a fruit tree on their license plates. Apparently, California thinks it’s a billboard for the DMV.

She: I think they should actually use it like a billboard and sell advertising for movies. They could advertise that boring black and white movie about the DMV you were just describing.

Z: It’d be a blockbuster.

She: Or they could have driving tips on the license plates, like: “It’s just a little further up the 101,” or, “Always expect traffic on the 405.”

Z: Third, how is this useful? Did they do a survey, and found that people were unable to find their website? Were people sitting at their computers and thinking, “Golly, I wonder what the web address for the DMV is? If only that information was in a handy place somewhere, like on my car out in the parking lot. I wouldn’t want to have to Google it or something.”

She: You might be overthinking this.

Z: Fourth, I thought there was a concerted effort to keep people from texting while driving. But now they’re putting a website on the car in front of you? Are they saying that we should be surfing the web while we’re driving?

She: You’re right. That’s a mixed and confusing message — for a 5-year-old.

Z: Fifth, I did it. I actually went to dmv.ca.gov.

She: Then it worked. They win.

Z: No, I did it so that no one else would have to. And I must say, I was amused. The top banner scrolled through a number of different screens. They advertised their DMV apps (again, seriously?), a new virtual hold system (sounds awesome), “the new young drivers webpage” (fun font!), and best of all, I could like them on Facebook.

She: Oh, dear. I sense another thing for you to rant about.

Z: Seriously, why would I possibly want to “friend” the DMV on Facebook?

She: I don’t know. Maybe if you become their friend they’ll give you a part in their super-secret 1940s movie where all of these dumb decisions are made.

Z: Yes, dear.

— Personalize your DMV message to She and Z by emailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Read She Said, Z Said every Monday on Noozhawk and follow them on Twitter: @lesliedinaberg. Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns.

Talk to Us!

Please take Noozhawk's audience survey to help us understand what you expect — and want — from us. It'll take you just a few minutes. Thank you!

Get Started >

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made using a credit card, Apple Pay or Google Pay, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments and a mailing address for checks.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Email
Select your monthly membership
Or choose an annual membership
×

Payment Information

Membership Subscription

You are enrolling in . Thank you for joining the Hawks Club.

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover
One click only, please!

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.
You may cancel your membership at any time by sending an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >