Tuesday, September 25 , 2018, 12:48 am | Fair 58º

 
 
 
 

She Said, Z Said: Fire Drill

As She and Z try to narrow to three the things they would take with them in case of a home emergency, not all of the ideas are, er, conventional.

Z: I hope this isn’t bad luck, but the firefighters are doing a great job of keeping the fire away from homes, and all of these evacuations remind me of a college application essay I filled out.

She: I didn’t know that the DeVry Institute of Labeling had essays now.

Z: The essay question was, “What three things would you take with you in case you had to leave your house in an emergency.”

She: I’ve been thinking about that all week. What did you put?

Z: I was a high school senior.

She: C’mon, what did you write?

Z: Dirty underwear (to remind me of my past), clean socks (to look toward the future) and the application itself (to kiss up to the application committee).

She: That’s not even close to what I was thinking. Is that still what you’d take?

Z: Don’t be ridiculous. I lost my last copy of that college application at least a year ago. First thing I’d grab now is Koss.

She: Good. And the second thing?

Z: Uh, I don’t know. A burrito?

She: What about me, you idiot.

Z: Oh, yeah, of course. I was assuming you’d be able to get yourself. Honestly, I thought you’d get Koss, so I could carry my burrito.

She: What about your beer?

Z: Even if the house was completely engulfed.

She: And your crossword puzzle?

Z: No. Wait. Sunday? Maybe.

She: I’ve been mentally packing our passports, photo albums and medical supplies all week.

Z: Oh. Yeah. That stuff makes sense, too. But your scrapbooks? We’d be those people on the news with a U-Haul.

She: I could probably survive with just our wedding album and Koss’ baby book.

Z: At least you have copies of your pictures.

She: Thank goodness for digital cameras. I would definitely take my laptop, so I’d at least have the last few years of pictures on there.

Z: At 9,000 pics a year for five years, that’s almost as big as your shoe collection. How many pairs of shoes do you really need?

She: In case of emergency: one. In all other cases: at least 20. What do you think Koss would bring?

Z: Probably not shoes. I’d guess his video game, Starcraft.

She: What about his fish?

Z: You can’t cuddle with a fish.

She: I’m worried that that almost makes sense.

Z: We should probably also take the key to that storage unit we’ve paid a zillion dollars rent on for the past decade.

She: Who knows what’s actually in there at this point? China and crystal and all of that stuff we didn’t really need when we got married, and really wouldn’t need if our house burned down.

Z: Of course, our storage unit is only a block away from us, so it’s not really in the smartest place for backup stuff anyhow.

She: I’d also take all of my important jewelry with me.

Z: Oh, yeah. Me, too. I’m all about the jewelry.

She: You always tell me that you wear your wedding ring for important occasions. I think this one would count.

Z: You’re right. This would definitely be one of those moments. But — and this is just a “what if” — you wouldn’t want me to get burrito all over it, would you?

She: You wouldn’t remember it at all, would you?

Z: Yes, dear.

What would you take if you had to evacuate? Share your treasures with She and Z at [email protected]

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