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Friday, February 22 , 2019, 3:08 am | Fair 42º

 
 
 

She Said, Z Said: Clearing the Air about Dirty Laundry

Don't let clutter come between you and your significant other; hire a housekeeper to clean it up for you

She: I can’t believe that our friends P and C aired their dirty laundry in The Wall Street Journal.

Z: If anyone ever calls from The Wall Street Journal to ask what bugs you about me, just tell them I’m perfect.

She: Sure. That will be my answer the next time The Wall Street Journal or The New York Times calls about our relationship.

Z: You can say that when anyone else asks, too.

She: But probably not with a straight face.

Z: Why did P and C get a call from The Wall Street Journal?

She: I guess C had blogged about the clutter in their house, and somebody was doing a story on it.

Z: And so they said it was OK for a national newspaper to do a story on their dirty house?

She: Tell me about it. I’ve been trying to get a story about our dirty house in the paper forever. Nothing.

Z: Some people have all the luck.

She: The gist of the story is that household clutter can be a sign of deeper relationship problems and power struggles.

Z: If that’s the case, then our child has won that power struggle. Have you seen his room?

She: I can’t even get in to see his room. Something’s blocking the door.

Z: You and I have had our chore arguments before. I remember when we used to have to go to a Laundromat to do our laundry, and we had long discussions over who had more time to do it.

She: Get a job! Sorry. Flashback. “Discussions” is an awfully nice way to describe knockdown, drag out fights.

Z: See. If anyone calls from the media: I’m perfect!

She: You’re perfectly something all right.

Z: So laundry is not my strong suit. And neither one of us has ever been particularly good at cleaning a house.

She: It’s just not what I want to be doing in my free time.

Z: Not when there is beading to be done.

She: Which is why the two best investments we ever made were a washer/dryer and cleaning people.

Z: Sooo much cheaper than couples therapy.

She: And unlike therapy, you can see the results right away.

Z: If only that clean house smell would last for more than a day or two.

She: And if only the laundry didn’t continue to pile up, week after week. Honestly, not having to go to a Laundromat every weekend may have saved our marriage, as well as added years to my life by eliminating the stress. Although, as C pointed out, health insurance doesn’t cover it.

Z: Which is clearly what’s wrong with the health-care system today. I wonder if Obamacare will cover cleaning people? You’d see support for the program skyrocket.

She: Money may not buy happiness, but it sure can buy some simple solutions to domestic unease. Plus, as I often remind you, men who do more housework have more sex.

Z: Leslie Science at its finest.

She: It’s real science, too. There was a study published in the Journal of Family Issues using the National Survey of Families and Households to evaluate the carnal activity and housekeeping habits of married couples. There was a direct relationship between an increase in men’s housework and an increase in sex.

Z: A direct relationship?

She: Well, there was definitely a connection. They wrote about it in The Wall Street Journal, too, saying that housework may be “a proxy for a general willingness to invest in shared interests, a symbol of commitment to home and hearth.”

Z: I can’t believe they didn’t call us. I could have told them that.

She: Yeah, right. Then I could have told them that you were perfect.

Z: Yes, dear.

— Share your own dirty laundry with She and Z by emailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Read She Said, Z Said every Monday on Noozhawk and follow them on Twitter: @lesliedinaberg. Click here for previous She Said, Z Said columns.

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