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Thursday, January 17 , 2019, 10:00 am | Overcast 58º


She Said, Z Said: Summer Camps Teeming with Naming Opportunities

Enriching your child's experience takes back seat to theme work

She: Are you ready for a quiz?

Z: I thought you canceled your subscription to Cosmo.

She: I did. I invented this one just for you.

Z: Is this going to be 20 different versions of, “Would you rather lose an arm or a leg? Would you rather be invisible or invulnerable? Would you rather lose your appendix or your tonsils?”

She: We’ve done that quiz plenty of times, and you’ve never passed.

Z: I don’t ... I’m confused.

She: Guess which of the following summer camps are real, and which are fake: Money Camp; Jedi Training Camp; Circus Camp; Chinese Fat Camp; Camp Souflez; D&D Camp; Plantation Camp; Jesus Camp; Feminist Camp; Band Camp; Silly Summer! Camp; Mind Your Manners Camp; Rock Band Camp; Clay Camp; Camp Millionaire.

Z: They’re all fake?

She: Nope. They’re all real. In fact, your son just finished Circus Camp.

Z: I was wondering why he started wearing size 27 shoes.

She: He did not wear big shoes. That would be ridiculous. He did, however, have the opportunity to ace the “Clown Nose Workshop.” Not every kid can put that down on his college application.

Z: Kids sure are spoiled nowadays. I never had the chance to take a clown nose workshop. I had to slog through seven feet of snow just to take a 20-kids-in-a-car seminar.

She: You should be happy I didn’t send him to Feminist Camp.

Z: I heard that it was straight across the lake from D&D Camp, and that the two-camp mixer was a huge success. “My 16th-level Orc uses the sword of Male Oppression on your seventh-level bra-burner and hits for 11.”

She: That sounds much more successful than the Chinese Fat Camp and Camp Souflez mixer.

Z: Whatever happened to good old-fashioned sit-around-the-campfire and get poison oak camp?

She: It still exists. They call it Nature Camp. He’s doing that at the end of the summer. But now there are all sorts of other opportunities as well.

Z: I’m not sure that a lot of kids think of Mind Your Manners Camp as an opportunity.

She: I didn’t say that the opportunities were for kids.

Z: If I was a kid, I’d want to spend the summer at Camp Wii.

She: Apparently the Navy is considering exactly that for part of Boot Camp — Wii Fit to get the couch potato generation into Navy trim.

Z: How about Camp Annoy Your Sister?

She: I think the counselors and the campers would all be the same age. And you’d have to have surrogate sisters for onliest children like our own.

Z: Camp Texting?

She: LOL. R U 4 real?

Z: Or Camp Sarcasm?

She: Lovely.

Z: We could pick up some extra money. I think I’d be the best counselor ever for Camp Sarcasm.

She: Oh, yes you would yes you would yes you would!

Z: Second best.

She: We could always open up Camp Plastic Chef.

Z: Camp food is bad enough. I don’t think they need us to teach them how to make it even worse.

She: Or Camp Crack Yourself Up.

Z: You’d be the queen of that one.

She: I think you mean high priestess.

Z: Sorry, I’ve never been to Camp Crack Yourself Up.

She: That’s because you live in Crack Yourself Up World.

Z: See, we’re creating priceless camp memories already.

She: This one time, at Band Camp ...

Z: Yes, dear.

— Share your happy camping tales with She and Z by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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