Monday, June 25 , 2018, 9:51 am | Overcast 64º


She Said, Z Said: Sleeping in Style

She and Z pull back the sheets to uncover what their body language says about their marriage.

She: I read this article, “What does your sleeping style say about your marriage?”

Z: I can guess. My wife has insomnia and allergies, which means that we’ve been married for 14 years and the mystery is gone.

She: I do not snore!

Z: Protest much? I said you have allergies, which might mean that your ability to breathe is a little compromised, and sometimes funny noises come out of your mouth while you sleep.

She: They do not. Anyway, the article wasn’t about that, dear.

Z: Oh. My bad.

She: It was about what your position on your bed says about your marriage.

Z: Isn’t this a family, online paper?

She: Sleep position. No euphemisms. Sleep position.

Z: I thought this was the thing you printed out that made Koss giggle.

She: It is, though I’m not entirely sure why.

Z: Pictures of two people sleeping in bed? How could that not be funny to an almost 9-year-old? They used the word “buttocks” in the spooning section. That’s funny stuff.

She: Anyway, according to this story in Redbook Magazine, we sleep Zen style.

Z: Which is what, spooning lovingly for a few minutes until you start squirming around, drink a half-glass of water and then get up to pee?

She: When you put it that way, it doesn’t sound very Zen style.

Z: I’m thinking Zen style would be more restful. Like that weekend you went away with Koss and I had the bed to myself. Sure, we have a California king bed, but I’m 8 feet tall. I need that space.

She: Keep that up and we’ll be going Laura Petrie style in no time. Twin beds with a center night stand.

Z: Sounds better than me-on-the-sofa style. OK, what’s Zen style?

She: The article says, “As time passes in a marriage, the tendency to restore privacy to sleep increases. ‘As the couple’s closeness becomes fully established and less exploratory, a renewed sense of each partner’s individuality is likely to arise,’ says Samuel Dunkell, M.D., author of Goodbye Insomnia, Hello Sleep, who has been analyzing the body language of sleep for more than 25 years.”

Z: I wonder how you get that job? I wonder why you get that job? Is that a job you decide to do when you’re 12?

She: You sound goofy, like you need more sleep. Maybe if we tried another position, like the sweethearts cradle, where I rest my head on your shoulder and you hold me.

Z: I think we should make up some new positions. How about we sleep perpendicularly, like a plus sign, and call it helicopter style?

She: Ow. We might as well sleep hanging from the rafters. Bat style.

Z: Or we could sleep with you standing on my shoulders. Circus style.

She: Koss is having his slumber party tonight. I don’t want to freak out any of his friends if they wander into our room.

Z: Oy. Koss’ slumber party. Tonight we’re going no-sleep-and-yelling-at-kids-to-stop-yammering-at-midnight style.

She: Yes, dear.

Share your adventures in sleeping with She and Z by e-mailing [email protected]

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