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Sunday, December 16 , 2018, 7:53 pm | Fair 56º


She Said, Z Said: It’s a Small World

You just can't get a fondness for theme parks out of your head

Z: It’s official. We’re the Griswolds, going to every theme park in America. If there was a real Wally World, we would have gone there, too.

She: Don’t tease me. That’s my dream. We only made it to all the Southern California theme parks this year. Really, just L.A.

Z: Oh, is that all? You poor thing.

She: I wish we could afford to take Koss to Orlando this year. Just imagine, Disney World, Epcot Center, Blizzard Beach, Typhoon Lagoon, Disney’s Animal Kingdom Park, Disney’s Hollywood Studios, Universal’s Island of Adventure and Universal Studios. We could spend our entire winter and spring breaks there and not do anything twice.
Z: I think I had that nightmare once. There were snakes involved, and needles in my eyes.

She: I love theme parks. I’m thinking about putting a water ride in the living room, and a carousel in the bedroom. Maybe some spinning coffee cups in the kitchen.

Z: Must ... not ... make ... joke ...

She: Theme parks rock.

Z: I know you like them more than I do, but I’m pretty sure you like them more than Koss does as well.

She: Of course, I do. He’s not old enough to have the same nostalgia for them that I do. Just wait, someday he’s going to be happily reminiscing about the good old days when mommy and daddy could go on roller coasters with him without complaining about their aching backs.

Z: Too late.

She: What do you mean? We spent a whole day at Knott’s Berry Farm this week and my back didn’t hurt at all.

Z: True. But I think I’m still recovering from last month’s visit to Magic Mountain.

She: What a wuss you are.

Z: I’ve gone from “This ride rocks!” to “Seriously? I’m paying money for this pain?”

She: So I’ve heard. Twenty zillion times.

Z: The problem for me is that I’m tall, old, and apparently a huge wuss. My knees bang the fronts of roller-coaster cars, my neck gets tweaked, and I was dizzy for a week after going on the Revolution.

She: And yet it’s been a month and you’re still complaining about it. I didn’t love Magic Mountain either. “Gang Fight River” might not be the best idea for a ride. I think we may be done with that one — at least until Koss begs us to take him.

Z: Yeah, right.

She: I dream of the day Koss begs us to take him to a theme park and lets me explain to him in great detail how all of the ride technology works.

Z: You realize the technology has completely changed since you worked in that business, right?

She: You mean they don’t use Betamax videos on the rides anymore?

Z: And the Pony Express ride at Knott’s wasn’t using real ponies.

She: Yes they were. I named mine Trigger Princess.

Z: I think Disneyland is the king of parks. There was a teen-time in my life when that would have been heresy — Magic Mountain has killer rides! — but Disneyland is really the most fun and most pleasant.

She: I agree. And it may have had to do with low expectations, and not going there for 20 years, but Knott’s Berry Farm was really fun, too. That Snoopy on Ice Show was unexpectedly cool. Plus, I still like Universal Studios, the movie magic and all that.

Z: My favorite ride at every single park was calling your dad on the cell phone, and getting all the kids to sing “It’s a Small World” multiple times throughout the day.

She: The crowds at Magic Mountain, Universal Studios and Knott’s were very confused by that.

Z: It’s irony. Nobody gets irony anymore, least of all the crowd on the “Hide Your Purse Autopia” at Magic Mountain.

She: It’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small world after all, it’s a small, small, world.

Z: Yes, dear.

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