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Tuesday, December 11 , 2018, 1:34 am | Fair 46º


Paul Burri: Words I Think Need to Be Invented

From bananoodles to inkubaiter to genuwhine, their meanings ring true

The following are words that I think need to be invented.*

* I understand that the correct name for these is portmanteau words, which comes from the English word for a suitcase that opens into two halves. (No extra charge for all this.)

» confunderant (con-fun’-der-ant) — a person who claims to be a consultant but only gives you confusing advice

» slitheriner (slith-er-in’-er, rhymes with shiner) — a person who sneaks in line ahead of you

» overacheater (o-ver-a-chee’-tor) — a person who gets As but only by copying from others

» mortoperator (mor-top’-er-a-tor) — a guy who goes to funerals to pick up women

» signother (sig’-no-ther) (as in sig-nify) — significant other, someone who lives with you

» regretort (re-gre’-tort) — that smart reply you think of about an hour later

» bananoodles (ban’-a-noo’’-dels) — those stringy things on a banana

» e-dict (ee’-dict) — a person who needs to check his emails 16 times a day

» intendid (in-ten’-did) — something you thought about for a long time and finally got around to doing

» retrospite (re’-tro-spite) — getting even

» platitudinator (pla-ti-tud’-in-a-tor) — a consultant who tells you things like “keep your nose to the grindstone,” “set goals” and “keep on keeping on”

» obliviate (ob-liv’-ee-ate) — the act of trying to ignore the fact that you just ate something that wasn’t on your diet

» confabulist (con-fab’- u- list) — a person who is good at convincing other people that he is the ultimate expert at whatever it is that he does (alt — a bullshit artist)

» disrelief (diss’-ree-leaf) — that strange feeling you get when your doctor tells you that the rare, incurable, flesh-eating disease you thought you had is only a case of dry skin

» mystifry (mis’-ti-fry) — an item on a Chinese menu

» mystifly (mis’-ti-fly) — the way the waiter describes it to you

» rectifly (reck’-ti-fly) — zipping up your pants

» inkubaiter (ink’-you-bay-tor) — a company that sells you a fancy printer for $129 and then charges you $18 each for cartridge refills that you seem to need every 30 pages or so

» regurgimate (ree-gurge’-i-mate) — your dumb Australian male friend who insists on taking you to a beer party that you don’t really want to go to where you get blind drunk and end up throwing up all over him

» genuwhim (jen’-yoo-wim) — that real antique tsotsche you bought on the weekend trip to Coney Island that you thought you really, really needed, but didn’t

» genuwine (jen’-yoo-wine) — not that cheap crap that comes in a box, for God’s sake

» genuwhine (jen’-yoo-wine) — I’m really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really sorry

— Paul Burri is an entrepreneur, inventor, columnist, engineer, guerrilla marketer and iconoclast. He is available to local organizations for speaking engagements and to local businesses for business consulting and/or mentoring. The opinions and comments in this column are his alone and do not reflect the opinions or policies of any outside organization. He can be reached at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address). Click here for previous Paul Burri columns. Follow Paul Burri on Twitter: @BronxPaul.

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