Pixel Tracker

Monday, January 21 , 2019, 6:00 am | Fair and Breezy 53º


She Said, Z Said: Boyz to Men

When it comes down to it, aren't all men really just boys — with bigger and more expensive toys?

She: I just read this article (click here) on the generation gap between older and younger women. It said that pantyhose are what separate established career women from their younger counterparts.

Z: Pantyhose? Do they still make those for anyone besides movie bank robbers?

She: Not a lot. I’ve got pantyhose in my drawer that are older than Koss, but they used to be an important part of my “play dress up for success” wardrobe. Younger women don’t understand that. They’ve never had to wear pantyhose. I hate them.

Z: Nothing beats a great pair of Leggs.

She: Even lawyers and bankers wear pantsuits to dress up these days.

Z: You’re not going to start blabbering about that whole “sisterhood of the traveling pantsuits,” are you?

She: No. But if pantyhose are a symbol of the generation gap between, ahem, middle-age women and youngerish women, what is the symbol of the generation gap between middle-age men and young guys?

Z: I don’t think there is a generation gap for guys.

She: Seriously, you can’t think of anything?

Z: Uh, playing Madden NFL vs. watching sports on TV?

She: Don’t you think young guys watch sports on TV?

Z: Probably, but they’re checking their e-mail and texting at the same time.

She: I don’t think they’re checking their e-mail anymore. That’s old school.

Z: Plus, come to think of it, plenty of guys older than 30 like to play video games.

She: I notice you said “guys older than 30” and not “men older than 30.”

Z: And your point would be?

She: Are all men really just boys?

Z: Maybe. Let’s think about the guys we know. M is pretty responsible.

She: True, but he’s always been that way. I don’t think getting older has made him any more manlike.

Z: He does have more disposable income, which means fancier drum sets and electric bikes. His toys have gotten cooler if nothing else.

She: And A’s a total boy. He’s more of a boy than our 9-year-old.

Z: No real change in interests since junior high school.

She: I don’t think he’s even changed his wardrobe since junior high school.

Z: I wonder if he still gets put in trash cans at work?

She: Isn’t he the boss?

Z: Boys will be boys.

She: What about P?

Z: He likes to play man around the house, but I’m pretty sure he’s just acting. I’d say he’s still a boy. He likes video games and fantasy novels.

She: But he pretends to know a lot about red wine.

Z: There are plenty of drunk boys.

She: B is pretty manlike.

Z: Only in that sense-of-responsibility way, and he still likes to play on his bike. He’s always been that responsible guy. I think that’s more a factor of birth order. First children and only children seem to have a greater sense of responsibility. This just makes them responsiboys.

She: And E?

Z: Will definitely never grow up. He dresses up in costume for a living. I wouldn’t be surprised if he asked to borrow your old pantyhose at some point.

She: Are you saying that between the two of us we can’t think of a single man who’s more manlike than boylike?

Z: I got it. Me!

She: Uhh …

Z: I can drive a car, I shave and I drink beer. I read the newspaper and do the crossword puzzle in ink. I’ve mowed lawns, pumped gas, smoked a cigar, bought and sold stock and sired an heir. I’ve jumped out of a plane, rafted a river and climbed a mountain. I haven’t borrowed your pantyhose in a really long time. I am a man!

She: Yes, dear.

Are the men in your life really just boys? Share your tales with She and Z at [email protected]

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made using a credit card, Apple Pay or Google Pay, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments and a mailing address for checks.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Select your monthly membership
Or choose an annual membership

Payment Information

Membership Subscription

You are enrolling in . Thank you for joining the Hawks Club.

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover
One click only, please!

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.
You may cancel your membership at any time by sending an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.