Pixel Tracker

Tuesday, February 19 , 2019, 9:07 am | Fair 41º

 
 
 

She Said, Z Said: Hubba-Hubba-Doh!

Marge Simpson takes center stage as a centerfold

Z: I had no idea that one day I would graduate from the childhood yodel of “Yabba-Dabba-Doo!” to the adult cry of “Hubba-Hubba-Doh!”

She: I wish I could say I had no idea what you were talking about.

Z: There’s no two ways about it; Marge Simpson is hot.

She: You’re a sick, sick man.

Z: Redundant.

She: Why would anyone want to see Marge Simpson naked in Playboy?

Z: The answer to that is neatly summarized in the word “naked.”

She: Lisa Simpson must be shocked. Here she is one of the most groundbreaking feminist characters on network television — “a one-girl revolution against cartoonland patriarchy,” according to Ms. Magazine — and her own mom poses for Playboy.

Z: If I was built like Marge, I’d want to share that with the world, too. Homer is one lucky dude.

She: Talk about high maintenance. That bouffant up-do would take at least an hour every morning, and tons of toxic hairspray. Then there are the strapless dresses and wearing pearls all the time ... it all just seems a little showy.

Z: But she’s hot.

She: She’s a cartoon character.

Z: And an impressively stacked one at that. Who knew?

She: I don’t think Playboy would have picked her if she weren’t. That’s kind of their criteria for models: “must have boobs, the more the better.”

Z: That’s ridiculous. They picked her for her brains and her taste. You can even see it on her Model Data Sheet. Turnoffs: “Slim men who work out regularly and take care of their bodies and whose oiled muscles gleam in the sun when they take off their shirt.” Turn-on: “Having enough saucers for your cups.” This is a woman of substance.

She: Some would say that Playboy makes all women into cartoon characters.

Z: I wouldn’t know about that. I only read it for the articles.

She: Doesn’t everybody?

Z: I bet that first phone call to her was very awkward. How do you ask a middle-aged, yellow skinned woman to pose naked for Playboy?

She: You offer her lots of money and hope she’ll be flattered.

Z: I wonder what would have happened if Robert Redford had run into her instead of Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal?

She: The all time worst Disney movie.

Z: Especially with the whole 3-D fad that’s going on right now.

She: So, if we were playing that game of “Five Free Celebs” that you would be allowed to fool around with, would you pick Marge Simpson?

Z: No. Honestly, I doubt she’d even make my top five cartoon freebies. I’m much more of a Jessica Rabbit, or even a Betty Rubble type.

She: Betty, not Wilma?

Z: Betty is clearly more adventurous.

She: And I know you prefer Veronica to the other Betty.

Z: I guess I just like the exotic girls.

She: Have you actually seen the Playboy pictures of Marge Simpson?

Z: They’re surprisingly tasteful nudes. The photographer was clearly very considerate of her.

She: Why do you say that?

Z: Much is left to the imagination. Lots of carefully draped silk and doughnuts. Which, unfortunately, leaves a burning question unanswered.

She: Which is?

Z: Is she really a natural bluehead?

She: Ugh. I suppose I should thank you for not using the words “drapes” and “carpet.”

Z: Yes, dear.

— When She and Z aren’t debating the most important cultural issues of the day, they can be reached at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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