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Monday, March 18 , 2019, 7:09 pm | Fair 59º


She Said, Z Said: You Are Now Free to Leave the Cabin

It's 'plane' to see that traveling with a 2-year-old can be a major pain

She: Did you hear about the 2-year-old who was kicked off of the Southwest Airlines flight?

Z: Was he drunk and unruly?

She: I don’t know about the drunken part, but apparently he was loud.

Z: Our friend, Albert, is loud and he travels all the time. I wonder if he ever gets kicked off?

She: The kid was screaming, “I want Daddy!” and “Go plane! Go!” so loudly that people couldn’t hear the safety instructions. They actually turned the plane around and returned to the gate so they could boot him off the plane.

Z: I’m guessing that’s not what Albert screams. Well, maybe the “Go plane! Go!” thing.

She: Can you imagine this happening to you? Your 2-year-old — did I mention that he was 2? — is acting up, and they delay a flight so they can kick him off.

Z: Did the mom get to stay on the plane? I’ll bet she tried.

She: Have these people never met a 2-year-old? Sometimes 2-year-olds will scream things. Sometimes they’ll even have tantrums, and not be the most rational creatures in the world. It’s all a part of being 2.

Z: I’ve flown with those kids before. I think it’s easier to let them out of the plane at 30,000 feet.

She: I get that traveling with screaming babies and toddlers is a drag, but flying is different. People have to fly to get places. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would want to fly with a 2-year-old if there was a better way to get there. Unfortunately, bikes, trains, buses and cars aren’t going to get you everywhere you need to go. And we all learned how dangerous it is for kids to travel by balloon.

Z: I keep waiting for them to invent that transport device on Star Trek. We have the communicators (cell phones), why can’t we have the teleporters?

She: You don’t seem to be as annoyed by this as I am.

Z: I’m jealous that the 2-year-old got to go on a plane. I didn’t get to fly anywhere until I was 18, and our kid didn’t get to go anywhere until he was 8.

She: Having no money is a whole other thing.

Z: I don’t know. I think it points out that you don’t have to fly anywhere when you’re 2-years-old. You can choose to, but you don’t have to. I think a lot of parents in the middle of their child’s tantrum phase forget that it’s just a phase, decide that the rest of their life is going to involve a screaming child, and try to go about their business normally.

She: Sure. We’ve all had those moments of praying “please don’t sit near me, please don’t sit near me,” when you see the mom coming down the aisle with a 2-year-old in tow, but that doesn’t mean you can kick them off the plane.

Z: Apparently it does.

She: So what about all those screaming toddlers that the rest of us have been stuck on planes with? If I can’t get those 20-but-feels like-20-million-hours of my life back, can I at least get quadruple frequent flier miles?

Z: Or what about those restaurant meals we’ve had ruined by someone’s obnoxious kids?

She: It’s different when it comes to restaurants. If you bring your screaming child to a nice restaurant, it’s not that hard to get up and take the kid outside for a while. You gambled, you lose your appetizer.

Z: OK.

She: Same thing with movies. I remember trying to take Koss to movies when he was a baby and nurse him through. I saw the first half of a lot of movies.

Z: I don’t want to give away the endings, but it was all a dream.

She: But planes are a different story. You can’t just take the kid out on the wing for a breather.

Z: Maybe Balloon Boy was on to something. No one’s going to kick you out of your balloon.

She: And what kid is going to have a tantrum when there’s a balloon involved?

Z: Yes, dear.

— Share your nightmare flight stories with She and Z by e-mailing .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

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