Wednesday, June 20 , 2018, 1:01 am | Fair 61º

 
 
 

She Said, Z Said: Love Boat

The Dinaberg family's anniversary cruise gives the clan a victory at sea.

Z: The Love Boat!

She: Better that than a three-hour cruise. A three-hour cruise.

Z: Our cruise was kind of like Gilligan’s Island, only instead of being trapped on the island, we were trapped on the boat for five days with the entire Dinaberg family.

She: C’mon, Gilligan. You had fun.

Z: Yes, I did, Mary Ann.

She: If I can be Ginger, I’ll let you be the Professor.

Z: Is it time for another meal yet, Ginger?

She: It’s post-brunch, second snack, pre-high tea time.

Z: I don’t think I have any remaining capacity to make food choices. Deciding between 7,000 different food items at 28 different restaurants for every meal is exhausting.

She: It’s even worse getting off the boat. How can we possibly maintain that kind of pace?

Z: I’m sure a 37,000-calorie, alcohol-heavy diet can’t be that difficult.

She: That’s why my favorite thing on the cruise ship was Igi, our dinner waiter.

Z: He kept the choices brief, and he did magic for the kids. I kept asking him to saw one of them in half with a steak knife, but he seemed hesitant.

She: At least until Koss asked him for a third helping of lobster.

Z: Igi was the yin to the yang of Stu, the cruise director.

She: Stu was no Julie McCoy, that’s for sure.

Z: I don’t think cruise directors should be angry, bad with people, and dislike kids. I’m thinking a cruise line called Carnival may not be the best choice.

She: It does seem like a bad combination, especially when you throw in the Australian who thinks he’s funnier than he is, and likes to hear the sound of his own voice.

Z: He kept asking if he could do that magic trick on Koss that Igi refused to do.

She: And not in a nice way. Isn’t being a people person kind of the main requirement to be a cruise director?

Z: One would think.

She: Other than the cranky cruise director, cruising with the family was surprisingly fun.

Z: My favorite part of it was Cabo San Lucas. Snorkeling in perfectly clear water was fantastic.

She: The fish were beautiful.

Z: I’m sure they were. I only wish I had remembered my prescription goggles. Did I mention that the water was warm?

She: I loved the snorkeling, too, but the highlight of Cabo for me was watching Koss and my mom bargain for a wood turtle. I couldn’t believe Koss got them down from $10 to five bucks. I was so proud.

Z: Until your mom got him back up to $7. I now understand that your genetics explains a lot about our checking account.

She: Family karaoke was definitely the highlight for me.

Z: Was that on the lido deck?

She: No. You know it wasn’t. Why do you ask?

Z: Because it’s so much fun to say, “Lido deck.” I like that the lido deck exists outside of cheesy TV and movies.

She: Lido deck. Lido deck. Sure, it’s kind of fun. But not as fun as karaoke.

Z: Especially for everyone else in the room who loved listening to the three kids in our group sing lots and lots of songs.

She: But not nearly as much as they loved listening to our entire extended family sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

Z: I’m sure those were shouts of “Encore!” and not, “You suck, walk the plank.”

She: At least it made us famous.

Z: How so?

She: On the tender back to the ship from Cabo San Lucas, a group of people started to sing “Feliz Navidad.”

Z: How delightfully authentic.

She: All except for one girl who told her friend that she couldn’t join in, because she had a voice like a howler monkey with a glandular problem.

Z: How is that bad?

She: Exactly. Then the guy she was with said, “You should sing. C’mon, you can’t possibly be as bad as that lion family.”

Z: Seriously?

She: True story.

Z: That rocks! We’re famous!

She: That’s what I’m talking about. We’re number 1, we’re number 1! And we would have kicked butt in Charades if they had played by Dinaberg rules.

Z: Who knew that in international waters High School Musical was considered a television show?

She: And that pointing to the ceiling to signify “up” was not allowed. I’m still a little bitter that we didn’t come home with the Charades trophy. At least Lauren and Jordan won the air guitar competition.

Z: Uh, I think there were only two people competing.

She: Exactly. We rule! Happy 50th anniversary, Mom and Dad!

Z: Yes, dear.

Share your cruising tales with She and Z at [email protected]

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