Thursday, February 22 , 2018, 7:43 am | Fair 36º


Danny Tyree: Will The 50th Annual CMA Awards Be Politicized?

Carrie Underwood, who has co-hosted the Country Music Association Awards with Montecito resident Brad Paisley since 2008, expressed a hope that this year’s broadcast (Nov. 2 on ABC) will be more homage to country legends than a forum for election-year politics.

With country appealing to both “red” states and “blue” states, millennials making up such a large segment of fandom and patriotism meaning different things to different people, that may be a tall order.

I understand there’s already a globalist move afoot to rename “country” music as “borderless chunk of inviting real estate” music. And watch for the genre to seek a different demographic with singers wearing tofu-boy hats, riding pick-up bicycles and doing a little Birkenstock-scootin’ boogie.

Can dueling campaign slogans be far behind? Country has always had a sort of “I’m with her...sister” vibe about it, anyway. And it wouldn’t take much to get a “Make Rhinestones Great Again” petition going.

Don’t be surprised if the integrity of the election system comes into question at the CMA Awards, with songs such as “You’re The Reason God Gerrymandered Oklahoma,” “Stand By Your Voting Booth” and “You Don’t Know Me — And That’s A Good Thing Because I Just Voted In Three Other Counties.”

Cybersecurity debates belong on the opinion page and not on Nashville’s Bridgestone Arena stage, so let’s hope there are no nostalgic performances of “I’ve Got Friends In Moscow Places” or “No one knows what goes on behind closed doors — except that %&$# Julian Assange.”

It might appeal to the base, but it would probably be overly divisive if Dolly Parton sang “My Coat Of Many Concealed-Carry Compartments.” Equally distracting would be President Bill Clinton warbling, “Crazy ... crazy for designing Obamacare ...”

Great restraint must be shown to keep law-and-order matters from spilling over into the awards. We could probably do without “If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Cam, Would You Hold It Against Me?,” “Pop A Cop Again” and “I Walk The Line — With My Hands Above My Head, A Prayer On My Lips And A Little Bit of Urine On My Underwear.”

Environmental concerns could ruffle some feathers in songs such as “Frack Naturally,” “Ecological Terrorist’s Daughter” and “Polar Bears In The Stream.”

And it’s great to keep memories of Tammy Wynette alive, but not in the form of “Our C-L-I-M-A-T-E C-H-A-N-G-E becomes final today.”

Viewers might squirm too much over revamped PC classics such as “Mama (Well, Both Mamas) Tried” and “You’re Walkin’ On The Fightin’ Side Of Me, Unless You’re In A Wheelchair, In Which Case, Please Forgive The Microaggression.”

Income inequality messages may cause hard feelings if someone does a cover of Lefty Frizzell’s “If You’ve Got The Money, I’ve Got The Time To Redistribute It.”

Please don’t let Garth Brooks rehash “If Tomorrow Never Comes, Does That Mean We’re Vindicated For Running Up Such A Massive Debt With Runaway Entitlement Programs?”

For the sake of the future of country music, I hope we can avoid the really incendiary ballads such as “It Wasn’t God Who Groped Honky Tonk Angels” and “I Saw The Light — But My Secret Service Agents Revived Me Before I Made It All The Way To The Other Side.”

The only intrusion of politics that might receive a bipartisan round of applause would be if Alan Jackson and guest Jimmy Buffett performed a duet of “It’s November 9 Somewhere.”


— Satirical columnist Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page Tyree’s Tyrades. He is syndicated by Cagle Cartoons. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are his own.

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click here to get started >

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made through PayPal below, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments.

Thank you for your vital support.

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >