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Wednesday, February 20 , 2019, 6:03 am | Fair 38º

 
 
 
 

It’s Elementary, the Guy Is Stumped

After two attempts to recite the letters of the alphabet, the student apprehended in Isla Vista, Jan. 12, accepted defeat. “No,” he sighed, “I cannot say my ABCs.”

After two attempts to recite the letters of the alphabet, the student apprehended in Isla Vista,  Jan. 12, accepted defeat.

“No,” he sighed, “I cannot say my ABCs.”

At 12:30 a.m., the 23-year-old man, who told deputies he had had “seven or eight shots,” was transported to jail on suspicion of public intoxication.

Shark Bait

Concerned about the safety of a pedestrian, a deputy contacted a man walking at 2:20 a.m., Jan. 12, along a poorly lit section of Las Positas Road in Santa Barbara.

During the initial contact with the man,  26, deputies questioned him about the sand in his hair,  nose and mouth. The visitor from northern California told the deputy he’d just been out for a late-night swim.

The deputies said they detected a strong smell of alcohol, and since they said they had observed the man stumbling near moving traffic, they took him to jail.

Kind of Big

Initially pulled over for not having a proper registration tab displayed, the driver was also hit with a charge of suspicion of driving while intoxicated.

The driver stopped at 1:15 a.m. along Hollister Avenue told the deputy he didn’t feel too intoxicated to be driving after partying in Isla Vista, Jan. 12, with friends. Adding, he’d only had “two drinks.”

When asked to elaborate, the man conceded that the drinks were “kind of big.”

Washed Ashore

As it turned out, the boat found beached at Campus Point on Jan. 4, belongs to a man now living in Lake Elsinore.

Using the help of an Oxnard marina representative, where the boat was originally harbored, investigators learned the boat was scheduled for a lien sale auction before washing ashore earlier in the month.

Records indicated the owner of the boat, now living elsewhere, had not sold the boat to somebody else, as he told deputies early in the investigation. He was, in fact, the true owner of the boat and fully responsible for the vessel and any fees incurred by the County of Santa Barbara.

It is unclear when or how the boat escaped detection from a secured spot in the Oxnard marina.

Quality of Care

Somewhere between the time he was transported to the hospital last month for an accident related to his Parkinson’s disease and his release from the hospital almost a week later, a man believes his cash, $5,000, was stolen. Before falling ill, the 74-year-old had withdrawn the money for a home project. Stashing the money in his pocket, the man did not foresee the upcoming health crisis.

Wavering in and out of consciousness during the ambulance ride to the hospital on Dec. 7, the man was unable to keep track of his money, but, he assured authorities, he was certain he had the money with him at the time of his emergency.

The hospital log indicated the man had $268 in his wallet at his time of admission. The $5,000 was, however, not logged.
The report was filed as a grand theft and the case is under investigation.

Booking for Obliteration

A woman entered the main lobby of the Santa Barbara Sheriff’s Department on Jan., saying she wanted to have a small arsenal of weapons she received from a “former client” destroyed.

Among the collection were three pistols, two shotguns and a rifle. 
The weapons were turned over to authorities and scheduled for destruction.

Welcome Home?

A student living in Isla Vista returned home from Winter Break, last week, to find his home ransacked.

On top of stealing his television, Xbox, calculator and movies, the burglar smeared peanut butter across his walls.

Fool’s Gold

Peddling his goods, alleged 100-year-old silver coins, along the 4800 block of Calle Real on Monday afternoon, the unlicensed street vendor should have known better than to offer his collection for purchase to an off-duty police officer.

The man, a 38-year-old from Highlands Park, said he came to the area to sell his merchandise because “competition in L.A. was too great.”

After purchasing the coins in Los Angeles for $2 each, the man was attempting to sell the “fake” coins in Santa Barbara for $4 each.
He was charged with street vending without a license and could be
charged with selling counterfeit coins, as well.

Show Some Respect

Parked illegally without proper identification in a stall marked for the handicapped at early Monday morning, a man located inside the car became verbally aggressive toward the inquiring deputy.

“I was a Marine and I could do unimaginable things to you,” the man slurred.

Asked to step out of the car, the man then refused to follow directions claiming his partner was booking a room inside the nearby hotel lobby on Calle Real. When the man gave the deputy a hard time, he was arrested on a charge of resisting a peace officer.

Fighting Out of Her Weight Class

After she had stumbled into a bush and had started walking in the roadway on Sabado Tarde in Isla Vista early Sunday morning, sheriff’s deputies confronted the wobbly co-ed.

Attempting to assure deputies she’d only consumed “one beer and one shot,” she added, “I am just a lightweight.”

Unable to recite the letters of the alphabet, the young woman was arrested and charged with public intoxication and transported to the Foot Patrol office, where she proceeded to vomit in the booking room before she fell asleep on the floor.

 

 

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