Pixel Tracker

Saturday, November 17 , 2018, 2:48 pm | Fair 67º


Louise Palanker: Addicted to Porn, Feeling Used after Sexting, Too Shy to Talk to a Boy

Question from Ned

I’m easily turned on. I wish I wasn’t. If I hear something sexual or see a picture of a hot girl, then I want to watch porn. I mean is it ... bad? I’m 13, and it’s probably not the best addiction. How can I stop my addiction?


This is not an addiction. It’s biology. Before there was online porn there was Playboy magazine, and before that naked postcards (as seen in Brighton Beach Memoirs).

(Erik Ziegler video)

And before that sexually explicit stone etchings as found in the excavation of Pompeii.

Unless porn is interfering with your ability to live your life and fulfill your obligations, then it’s not an addiction. You are just a normal 13-year-old boy.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Anita

OK, so me and this guy started to date almost seven weeks ago and he broke up with me today. We sexted a lot. I would send him photos of, well, you know ...

Now I just feel used. He broke up with me via text and then he laughed about it with his friends. I keep texting him about how upset I am, and now I just have no idea what to do. Advice?


Nobody deserves to be treated the way this boy treated you. I am so sorry. However, there is not a lot you can do right now aside from learning and moving on.

I don’t wish to add to your pain, but I do need to caution you about sexting. The reason you feel used is because you were used. You may have also found it all very exciting, but it is so important that you learn to be more careful so that you can protect yourself.

Any sexual interactions can wait until you are over the age of 18 and better able to judge somebody’s character. This boy did not deserve what you offered to him.  A man who asks you to become vulnerable for him is then obligated to protect you.

When you share an intimacy it should be with someone who sees that sharing as an honor and treats it with respect.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Jenna

So I really, really like this boy, Seth. All his friends are kind of immature, and they found out I liked him and made a whole big deal at lunch, like trying to get me to sit next to him, and they put us both in an uncomfortable position.

Seth didn’t want to come out and say he didn’t like me and he never said he did. I finally started telling people I was over him so that they would stop talking about it. Now our schedules have changed and he is in classes with me.

People are saying that he is just like me and we both think we don’t like each other but he doesn’t talk to me!

I’ve cried because I feel like there is something wrong with me and that’s why none of the boys I like like me back. There’s been a few boys who have expressed their liking to me, and I try to talk to them but I can’t catch feelings for any of them because my feelings are occupied for someone who won’t give me the time of day! What do I do?


I know this sounds entirely terrifying but you will have to try talking to Seth. A lot of people have done a lot of speculating regarding your business, but you need an answer from him. Be the brave one. Make eye contact. Smile. Talk to him. Get to know him as a person.

It’s very typical for two shy people, who may be well-suited, to wind up not with each other but with somebody bold enough to do the approaching. Why don’t you endeavor to alter that tide? Be brave and talk to the boy!

Until you have some clarity regarding his feelings you should not force yourself to romantically like somebody else. Of course you should give everyone a chance. All people have a potential purpose in our lives. Almost everyone you meet is a possible friend. You will date only one person at a time, but everyone else has meaning. Open yourself up to possibilities.

So, here are three bullet points for you.

» Get to know more people. Practice starting conversations with those you do not yet know.

» Let Seth grow up and gain a little more confidence. This is a very fluid situation. Don’t cry. There is NOTHING wrong with you. Most things are possible.

» Talk to the boy. Be Brave.

(SaraBareillesVEVO video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara​. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

Support Noozhawk Today

You are an important ally in our mission to deliver clear, objective, high-quality professional news reporting for Santa Barbara, Goleta and the rest of Santa Barbara County. Join the Hawks Club today to help keep Noozhawk soaring.

We offer four membership levels: $5 a month, $10 a month, $25 a month or $1 a week. Payments can be made using a credit card, Apple Pay or Google Pay, or click here for information on recurring credit-card payments and a mailing address for checks.

Thank you for your vital support.

Become a Noozhawk Supporter

First name
Last name
Select your monthly membership
Or choose an annual membership

Payment Information

Membership Subscription

You are enrolling in . Thank you for joining the Hawks Club.

Payment Method

Pay by Credit Card:

Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Discover
One click only, please!

Pay with Apple Pay or Google Pay:

Noozhawk partners with Stripe to provide secure invoicing and payments processing.
You may cancel your membership at any time by sending an email to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

  • Ask
  • Vote
  • Investigate
  • Answer

Noozhawk Asks: What’s Your Question?

Welcome to Noozhawk Asks, a new feature in which you ask the questions, you help decide what Noozhawk investigates, and you work with us to find the answers.

Here’s how it works: You share your questions with us in the nearby box. In some cases, we may work with you to find the answers. In others, we may ask you to vote on your top choices to help us narrow the scope. And we’ll be regularly asking you for your feedback on a specific issue or topic.

We also expect to work together with the reader who asked the winning questions to find the answer together. Noozhawk’s objective is to come at questions from a place of curiosity and openness, and we believe a transparent collaboration is the key to achieve it.

The results of our investigation will be published here in this Noozhawk Asks section. Once or twice a month, we plan to do a review of what was asked and answered.

Thanks for asking!

Click Here to Get Started >

Reader Comments

Noozhawk is no longer accepting reader comments on our articles. Click here for the announcement. Readers are instead invited to submit letters to the editor by emailing them to [email protected]. Please provide your full name and community, as well as contact information for verification purposes only.

Daily Noozhawk

Subscribe to Noozhawk's A.M. Report, our free e-Bulletin sent out every day at 4:15 a.m. with Noozhawk's top stories, hand-picked by the editors.

Sign Up Now >

Meet Your Realtor Sponsored by Village Properties

Photo of Gary Welterlen and Carla Reeves
Gary Welterlen and Carla Reeves
"We both love this business. We strive to make life long relationships from each real estate transaction."

Full Profile >