Sunday, January 21 , 2018, 9:52 am | Fair 50º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: Boys Suck, a Flirt or a Friend, Spicing Up a Relationship

Question from Marlene

BOYSSS SUCKKK:(((

Weezy

I’m sure it feels satisfying to type that, but I would suggest that you resist the temptations to pluralize a singular. If you are really angry at one person just be angry at that person. “THIS ONE SPECIFIC BOY SUCKKKS!”

You certainly wouldn’t want to grandly proclaim that all French people suck when you are angry at one French person. So, I would urge you not to make a similar sweeping generality in regards to boys. :)

Also, if you are truly and thoroughly disappointed with someone’s behavior then you should ask yourself if he really deserves any more of your attention.

(Josh Tryhane video)

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Question from Talia

So there’s this boy who I used to talk to in the last school year. We would flirt and we both knew we liked each other, but than he started doing things like flirting with my friends and I realized he treated every girl how he treated me. Obviously I was hurt.

But there was something about him that would make me forgive him after anything he did. We continued an on and off thing for that whole year, but then during the summer he stopped talking to me completely, and I was heartbroken.

After all the chances I gave him and everything we went through, I honestly just wanted him in my life permanently. I remembered all the good times and it got me so sad.

But then I realized that there were also bad times, like when he flirted with everyone I hung out with or told them the same things he told me. Now this school year we don’t talk and I still have this feeling of wanting him. We make eye contact during class and it feels like we still have a connection.

Through everything, I know in my heart I would give him another chance in a heartbeat because there’s just something about him. I want to text him or talk to him, but I don’t want to embarrass myself if he actually doesn’t care for me anymore.

I feel like he feels the same way, like he would get embarrassed if he tried talking to me. I wish he would realize that I want him to talk to me. ugh :((

Weezy

This guy does not deserve another chance. He is a bad idea. A big part of that “just something about him” is how attractive he is to a lot of people. It makes you feel very special when he is focusing on you. Sort of like being retweeted by a celebrity.

But think about what is motivating him. Does he hope to create a solid and meaningful bond with one special girl, or is he more about having you and 17 other girls swooning over a moment of eye lock?

Generally speaking, the more insecure a person is, the more they seek the love and approval of everyone. You may want to ask yourself why you need the love and approval of such a guy? He has not shown himself to be capable of being committed to you. And while you are busy focusing on him, another great guy may be trying to catch your attention but you will not be able to notice him.

My advice is that you resist the temptation of texting Mr. Friend Flirter. Spend your energy working on becoming your very best self, and offering your trust and admiration only to those who have earned it.

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Question from Anna

How can I spice up a 7½-year relationship? We are in our late 20s and I’m practically going to work when he gets out, and when I get out he is going to bed. Since my promotion, things have changed a lot and I’m worried. What can I do?

Weezy

Why don’t you plan an adventure together? Figure out a time when you are both free and take a little road trip. Pack a picnic. Find a great restaurant. Make hotel plans if you can afford it. Look at locations online. Go hiking or zip lining or sightseeing. Look forward to it together. Talk about it and then take the trip. Do this sort of thing every few months.

Also, always remember to compliment your partner and to ask him how he’s feeling about something that happened to him. Laugh at his jokes. Remind him that you love him. If you are feeling it or thinking it, say it.

Leave him notes around the house or in his backpack. Text him something sweet. These are the little ways that we can show someone that we care every day.

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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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