Friday, October 20 , 2017, 10:12 am | A Few Clouds 66º

 
 
 
 

Louise Palanker: Cheating in Class, Sex Too Soon, Girl Crushes

Question from Maria

I have a friend who just happens to sit next to me in all of my classes. When we are working, she always copies my work. It’s so annoying. Then she gets good grades because she asks me for help on silent tests. What do I do?

Weezy

Just don’t give her this help. Hold up your hand to block your paper. Give her a nice smile and say, “Hey, stop,” in a friendly tone but block your paper! You can also say, “This makes me really uncomfortable. I’m so sorry.”

You are not doing her any favors by allowing her to cheat because, as long as she’s cheating, she’s not doing the work and she’s not really learning anything at school! She is at school to learn! Of course, it’s not your job to discipline your friend, but it is your job to reinforce your personal boundaries when you feel that they have been compromised.

This girl is putting you in the position of being an accomplice to her crime. AND, you don’t really need a friend who would use you in this way.

So, for all of these reasons, block your paper and say, “Sorry but this doesn’t work for me.”

Life is easier and calmer when you endeavor to do the right thing:

(storybooth video)

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Question from Yolanda

I little while ago I hooked up with a guy I had been texting. I was not aware he had a girlfriend, who later found out about us. They broke up because he cheated on her with me, and now recently we hooked up again. We had sex this time, and then I found out a couple days later that they have been back together.

Never has he mentioned her and I just feel bad for the girl. I don’t want to seem like the bad person. So should I tell her what we have done, call him out on it, or just never speak to him again??

Weezy

You are asking all the wrong questions! Why are you hooking up with a guy you don’t really know??!! How you interact with these exact two people is not nearly as important as the conversations you are having with yourself.

If you ever hear the voice inside your head saying, “Wow, he’s cute. We’re naked. He’s in my bed. I should ask him his name,” that’s when you know that you needed to hit the pause button much sooner.

It is really just not a good idea to be sexual with someone you do not know very well. Please put emotional intimacy ahead of physical intimacy. Reversing these two usually creates this type of mess. You deserve to feel safe and protected, both emotionally and physically, before you share your body with anyone.

OK, on to this specific problem. The girlfriend does not need to be receiving any of her information regarding this situation from you. You are the WRONG messenger. Your bringing this up to her will not go well. You can, however, tell this guy that he owed you more information about himself before sex happened. You should then move on to the part where you never speak to him again.

Sex can and should wait until you are in a loving and committed relationship with a caring partner. A great guy will be interested in creating an emotional bond that includes sex, not immediately but eventually.

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Question from Ashley

I have a major crush on my best friend. (Both of us are female, 14). We are both bisexual. I really want to ask her to homecoming but I’m scared that if she doesn’t return my feelings it’ll get too awkward. What should I do?!

Weezy

Start by establishing and ensuring that both your parents and her parents are comfortable with you taking each other to homecoming. Next, gauge how this would go down at your school. If the coast is clear on all fronts, then ask your friend if she is thinking of going to homecoming. Then check her reaction. If she seems warm and interested and upbeat and smiley about the topic, ask her if she wants to go with you.

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Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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