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Sunday, December 9 , 2018, 9:39 pm | Fair 52º

 
 
 
 
Teenagers

Louise Palanker: What Dreams Mean, Best Friends Growing Apart, One-Sided Relationships

Question from Andrew

I had a dream on Monday that was a continuation of a dream I had about three years ago. The dream started off with a recap of what happened in the first dream and then it continued into its own sequel. Truly amazing.

In the dreams, I meet a girl I do not know in real life. We became really good friends in the first dream. Then I recognize her again in the second dream and I fall in love with her. She is the girl of my dreams (literally haha). All I remember is that she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my dreams or in real life.

Does this dream mean something and will it continue again? I really want it to continue.

Weezy

I just don’t know. My thinking on dreams is that they contain imagery that represents our hopes and our fears. Dreams give your subconscious a chance to work on these issues so that you can better face them when you are awake.

I would only be guessing if I told you what your dreams mean. I will advise you not to get too caught up in these dreams. I know they are captivating. But remain rooted in your real life. Your dreams should help you know that you are a person who will actively seek and ultimately find love. They may just be preparing you to recognize your true love when you meet her.

Here is DNews with a little more on the meaning of dreams:

(DNews video)

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Annie

My best friend and I have been friends for awhile, but something has changed. We don’t hang out outside of school anymore, she blows me off to hang out with other people, without telling me or inviting me, and she’s always on her phone when we hang out. Things just aren’t the same.

We don’t laugh together anymore, and she doesn’t communicate with me. I don’t want to be friends with her anymore, but I feel like I don’t have anyone else to be friends with (she’s my only friend). How do I end the friendship?

Weezy

It sounds like that is happening naturally. You don’t owe her any more of your time if she is giving you so little of hers. Friendships are especially fluid during adolescence. They shift and flow, and it can feel very jarring to the person left at a crossroad watching a friend head in a new direction. So, stand for a moment and look up at the signs. Your choices have opened up. Where else could you go?

This is your call to find people who are a better fit for you at this next phase of your life. When we are little we make friends with the people who are geographically available. They may live up the street. Their parents may be friendly with yours. They may be in your class. A small child cannot venture out to seek the best possible connections. She plays with whoever is within her immediate range of sight. A bigger child can broaden the scope.

The older you grow, the further you can expand your reach of potential friends. It sounds like your friend is a bit of a social opportunist. She may be always looking for a more advantageous connection that will possibly up her status. That will not ultimately make her happy. She may soon blow off her current friends. She’s trying to find herself and she may be looking in the wrong places. But there is not a lot you can do to steer her back to you. That has to be up to her.

What you can do is join clubs and activities that interest you and seek out like-minded people. Make new friends. You don’t have to formally announce to your friend that you have moved on. That’s not necessary. She has moved on and so, too, will you.

                                                                 •        •        •

Question from Peyton

So I’ve been talking to this guy I met online for the past month. We have FaceTimed and talked on the phone a lot. He’s in college dorming. We kinda told each other we like each other. He told me that he wants to be my future boyfriend. And I like him and he has great qualities.

But ... he takes forever to respond to texts. He will sometimes not text me for a whole day or two. And that really annoys me because I can see that he is on his phone. I get that he may be busy, I really do. But it doesn’t take long to shoot one text out like “good morning” and “have a great day.”

It’s just upsetting. I don’t mean to come off as clingy. He says he’s a bad texter, but what do I do?

Weezy

This relationship is not working out for you and so I would advise you to move on. The other person needs to be putting into the relationship pretty much what you are putting into it. There should be a sense of shared involvement. Otherwise one person winds up always feeling hurt and lonely.

In addition, this is an online relationship. You don’t really know that much about him. PLUS, you’re not getting to spend time with him in person. So what ARE you getting out of this? What is he putting into this? What is he getting out of it?

When he does talk to you, is he interested in you and your life? Is he comforting and supportive? Are the two of you planning a real future together? Or is he mostly asking for you to share intimacies that he has not yet earned?

I know that for you he is partially filling that emotional spot where a boyfriend would so comfortably fit. But when you are not getting back from him either what you are giving or what you need in return, then it’s time to walk away.

                                                                 •        •        •

Got a question for Weezy? Email her at [email protected] and it may be answered in a subsequent column.

Louise Palanker is a co-founder of Premiere Radio Networks, the author of a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age novel called Journals, a comedian, a filmmaker (click here to view her documentary, Family Band: The Cowsills Story), a teacher and a mentor. She has a teen social network/IOS app and weekly video podcast called Journals Network, built around a philosophy of cyber kindness. She also teaches a free stand-up comedy class for teens at the Jewish Federation of Greater Santa Barbara. Click here to read previous columns. The opinions expressed are her own.

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